I'm Not Broken
by fic-chick05
Summary: Spike's sister ends up in hospital for attempting suicide. Spike is a constant visitor and meets Buffy there. she sufferes from an eating disordr he thinks she's a volunteer. will lies and an abusive ex tear them apart?
1. Default Chapter

**Chapter 1: Tragedies and Beginnings**  
  
**February 2004**  
  
Spike Madison was walking down the street, a huge gift bag in hand. It was his younger sister's 21st birthday, and since their parents had passed away the previous year he wanted to make her birthday as special as he good. Ever since the deaths of their parents, Druscilla's mental health had deteriorated. She had always been close to them and had taken their deaths hard. Spike had moved to America five years ago to attend college. He had graduated with honours and was making a good living. He had brought Druscilla to the states, as she had been suffering from manic depression and had basically gone crazy, not being able to cope with what had happened. She was always talking about what the pixies were telling her, saying she could see things. She was no longer mentally or emotionally stable. But Spike refused to give up on her. He was hoping that from here on out he could her, try and turn things around. He wouldn't give up hope.  
  
He walked up the five flights of stairs to where Druscilla's apartment was situated. Not wanting to just go in, even though he had his own key, he knocked on the door. He waited a few minutes but she didn't come to the door. He was worried, she always answered the door straight away. Hoping that she had just fallen asleep he used his key to get in. He left the key and the gift bag on the hallway table. He went through the main room into Druscilla's bedroom. She wasn't there. He was starting to panic  
  
"Dru" he called "Druscilla, pet, where are you?"  
  
When no answer came he started opening every door. He didn't expect what he saw when he entered the bathroom  
  
"Dru, oh god no, Dru" he said  
  
She lay lifeless in a bath of freezing cold red water, both wrists slit. Spike ran over to the bathtub and pulled her out, running with her to the sitting room, he ripped a towel into strips and tied them around her wrists to ease the bleeding. She was still breathing and she had a weak pulse. He ran to the bedroom, grabbed some sheets and ran back to Dru, wrapping her in the sheets to try and heat her up. He held one of her hands in his and dialled 911 on the phone with the other  
  
"Hello, 911 emergency, how can I help you?"  
  
"I, I need an ambulance" he spluttered out "My, my sister, she tried to kill herself" he told her, voice cracking.  
  
"Sir where are you?"  
  
"Um, it's an apartment. It's 12E, the Walton apartment complex on Milton Street" he repeated the address quickly.  
  
"Ok sir, someone will be there soon, but I need you to tell me what she's done" the operator told him  
  
"She slit her wrists in the bath" he choked out "I found her a few minutes ago, I tied something around her wrists to ease the bleeding. She's still breathing and her pulse is weak."  
  
"Ok sir, someone will be there soon." The operator finished  
  
He hung up the phone and turned back to Druscilla  
  
"Come on Dru, stay with me"  
  
1 Month Later  
  
"Hey pumpkin" Spike said as he walked through the door  
  
"My Spike, you came back" a feminine voice said gleefully  
  
"Of course I came back. I always come back Dru" he put his arm around his sister and gave her a hug.  
  
"I don't like it here, Spike. When can I go home?" she asked him sadly  
  
"Dru, pet" he started "You're not well. This is your home until you get better. You have to get better pet" he told her softly, placing a kiss on her forehead as a means of comfort. Dru could always rely on her big brother to help her feel better.  
  
The two were sitting in silence, Spike holding his sister in a brotherly hug, knowing that it was one thing that helped. He heard the room door open and a nurse walked in  
  
"I'm here to do Druscilla's checks" she informed him Spike nodded and got up and left the room.  
  
Buffy watched him from the door, he walked out of room 36. He went there most days and Buffy always watched him. He was very handsome. He had shocking bleached blonde hair, razor sharp cheekbones, full luscious lips and from what she could tell a killer body. He wore mostly black, but sometimes he would wear a red or dark blue shirt. He always looked amazing. She had never spoken to him, just watched. She would speak to him though, someday.  
  
Spike decided to go to the cafeteria and have something to eat while he waited. With Druscilla the daily routine checks usually took a while. They had both mental and physical health checks to do so it always took a while. He got up and walked towards the elevator. He was preoccupied with thoughts of what Druscilla had said earlier and therefore he wasn't looking where he was going. He walked straight into something, or someone to be more precise.  
  
"Ow" she squeaked from the floor  
  
"bloody hell" Spike complained. He stood up and then leaned over to offer his hand to the girl he had knocked over. She took it and he pulled her up. When he looked at her he saw the most beautiful thing he ever saw. She was tiny, no more than 5ft 3". She had blonde hair which sat just above her shoulders. He saw amazing green eyes staring back at him and the most beautiful smile he had ever seen in his life. He shook himself out of his haze to speak to her  
  
"I'm so sorry pet, I wasn't looking where I was going" he apologised sheepishly  
  
"Don't worry about it. I was loitering" she grinned  
  
"Let's just call it a mutual accident then, eh pet?" he suggested with a smile.  
  
"Yeah good idea. I'm Buffy" she introduced herself  
  
"Spike" he held his hand out for her to shake.  
  
"It's nice to meet you Spike" she smiled and he noticed how it lit up her entire face  
  
"The pleasure was all mine" he told her "I'll see you around"  
  
When he walked away Buffy could have squealed. She knew his name, she had touched his hand and he had the most beautiful blue eyes. 'Oh yeah, things are looking up' she thought as she walked away.  
  
Spike had walked away a few steps before stopping and turning around. He wanted one more glimpse at the beauty he had just met. He hoped he would see her again, maybe then things would start looking up. He saw her walk away as he simply stood, and watched. 


	2. Chapter 2: Secrets and Lies

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**A/N: Hey all please, please, please review. The more reviews the more inspired i am to update. And i just really like revies.**

**Chapter 2: Secrets and Lies**  
  
"Oh, come on, please. Is there any way I can do some of the work  
from home projects?" Spike pleaded.  
  
Spike works for a large website design and computer programming  
company, however since everything that happened with Drusilla he had missed a lot of work. He was walking down the street towards his  
apartment talking on the phone to his boss Rupert Giles.  
  
"Please... I know you've been really understanding and I really  
appreciate it.... Really, you will?.. Thank you so much Rupert, I  
promise I won't let you down."  
  
Spike beamed as he switched off his cell phone, Rupert had agreed to  
give him some at home projects which meant he could work to his own schedule which meant he could keep up his regular visits to Drusilla.  
  
As Spike went to his room to collect what he needed to take for  
Drusilla to the hospital his thoughts drifted to Buffy. He had been  
going to the hospital even more than usual, hoping to see her again,  
so far he hadn't been lucky, but he kept looking. He felt drawn to  
her ever since that first meeting. He was determined to get to know  
her better. He just had to find her again, he decided as he left the  
apartment again to go to the hospital.

Buffy was having similar thoughts about Spike, they had barely spoken to one another but for some reason she felt a connection to him. She had seen him around the hospital a lot recently, but for some reason she couldn't explain why she avoided him. She knew she could just talk to him and she really wanted to, but she was scared.  
Relationships never went well for her, she was afraid of falling for  
someone again. She wasn't ready to take the risk, so she continued to  
do what she had been doing for weeks, she watched him from afar.

Spike walked into Drusilla's room whistling, he was cheerful now  
that he had more spare time, however he was pulled out of his  
cheerfulness when he saw Drusilla's empty bed. Spike automatically  
worried and ran to check the bathroom, but she wasn't there. He  
waited a couple of minutes but she didn't appear. He left the room  
and approached one of the nurses.  
  
"Um, excuse me have you seen Drusilla, she's not in her room." he  
informed the nurse. He had been in and out so often that all the  
nurses knew who he was, and most of the females had a thing for him  
  
"Oh, hey Spike, no I haven't seen Dru. "the nurse answered with a  
flirty smile while running one hand up and down his arm.  
  
Spike grimaced at the gesture, this one just would not give up.  
  
"Nurse Harmony, do you have any idea where she might have gone?" he asked while removing her hand from his arm. She looked annoyed by this but kept smiling.  
  
"You could try the canteen or the patient rec room." she chirped.  
  
He nodded as he made his way to the rec room first, there were a lot  
of patients there watching television and the like but no sign of  
Dru. Spike sighed and left the room heading in the direction of the  
cafeteria. The minute he walked in he saw her head of raven coloured  
hair and breathed a sigh of relief as he approached her table.  
  
"Dru, pet you gave me a scare. Did you forget I was coming today?" he inquired.  
  
Dru smiled up at him and shook her head.  
  
"Oh no, I remembered but I got chatting with my new friend here and I  
lost track of time," she told him apologetically, "this is Anya, by  
the way." she introduced.  
  
"Hi." he greeted.  
  
"Hello, you are very handsome. I like your eyes, I'd love to see them  
when you're horny." she chirped.  
  
Spike almost choked when he heard the words leave her mouth, Dru on the other hand just laughed at the look on her brother's face.  
  
"Oh, my poor William, you look shocked." she giggled.  
  
"Yes, a little bit. Your friend is very forward." he said.  
  
"Yes I am, but it's mainly just because I like sex, unfortunately I  
can't get much in here." she sighed.  
  
"Oh, that's a shame, well Dru, are coming back now? I don't have long before I have to go." he told his sister.  
  
"Ok." she reluctantly stood up and made her way out of the canteen  
with Spike.

Buffy watched Spike leave from the other end of the canteen, as soon  
as she saw Anya was alone she made her way over and sat down.  
  
"Hey Anya, so who was the guy?" she asked, acting curious.  
  
"Oh, he's Drusilla's brother, he has very nice features."  
  
"What did you guys talk about, he seemed pleasant from where I was  
standing." Buffy pushed the subject, she wanted to know more.  
  
"He didn't say much, I complimented him on his eyes and told him I'd  
like to see them when he's horny. Then I told him how hard it is to  
get sex in this place." she went on and on and Buffy eventually  
drowned out what she was saying.  
  
"That's nice Anya." she said absently.

Spike got back to Drusilla's room and helped her back into bed and  
  
then took a seat beside her.  
  
"So, Spike did you bring me some of my own clothes?" she asked  
pleadingly.  
  
"Yes Dru, they're right..." when he felt around at his feet he  
recalled that he had taken it with him when he went looking for her.  
  
"Dru, I must have left it in the canteen. I'll go back and get it for  
you, I brought some of your favourite clothes. I won't be long." he  
called as he ran out the door.

He ran all the way to the canteen, panting, he slowed to a walk, as  
he got closer he saw Anya still at the table with another blonde  
girl. As he approached he noticed who the girl was.

Buffy had just started listening to her friend again, now that the  
topic was onto something other than sex. If Buffy had to hear once  
more about the favourite dildo Anya had brought to the hospital with  
her she would scream. To be perfectly honest she didn't know how she had managed to get it into the hospital. She looked up just in time  
to see a figure approaching the table.

Spike looked in surprise at the small blonde, she looked even  
prettier than the last time he had seen her. Buffy was having very  
similar thoughts about her. He leaned down and picked up the bag that was sitting at Buffy's feet before turning to speak to them.  
  
"Hello again Anya, Buffy." he smiled.  
  
"You two have met before?" Anya asked confused, but kept quiet.  
  
"Yeah, a couple of weeks ago," he responded "so Buffy do you work  
here or something?"  
  
"Um, yeah I volunteer." she told him. Anya's eyes widened and Buffy  
shot her a pleading look, so Anya didn't say anything. It occurred to  
her what her friend was trying to do.  
  
"Why aren't you eating with the other staff?" he asked.  
  
"Oh, some of them are really annoying, they only talk about work. The patients talk about anything other than hospital stuff, so it's much  
more pleasant." she explained.  
  
Spike smiled "Yeah, I suppose it would be."  
  
At that moment Anya stood up. "Well I have to go, I'll talk to you  
later Buff." she said giving the other blonde a funny look. Buffy  
nodded and watched her friend walk away. She looked back to Spike who just continued to stand there.  
  
"Um, do you want to sit down?" she offered.  
  
"I would, but I have to get back to my sister. The visit will be over  
soon." he told her .  
  
"Oh, ok, well. I'll walk you back." she offered.  
  
"Cool, I'd like that." he said with a smile.

As the two walked along the corridor's Spike was the first to  
initiate conversation.  
  
"So, how long have you been volunteering here , pet?"  
  
"Not long, just under three months." she told him.  
  
"Do you like it?"  
  
"It's ok, most of the patients are really nice. They have problems  
but then deep down so do we all." she replied nervously.  
  
He nodded in agreement.  
  
"So what do you do for work?" she asked, changing the subject.  
  
"I design websites." he told her.  
  
"Cool. Sounds interesting. Well, this is my stop. I have a patient to  
see." she said sadly.  
  
"Ok, well, I'll see you around, pet." he said.  
  
"Yeah, bye."  
  
Buffy walked into the room excited at having spent some time with  
Spike, her excitement was short lived though as she saw a doctor  
standing by her bed.  
  
"Buffy, hello. Well, sit down it's time for your daily checks."


	3. Chapter 3: Storyteller

Chapter 3 - Storyteller  
  
Buffy walked further into the room where the doctor was waiting for  
  
her to get into bed.  
  
"Hi Doctor Stevens." she greeted glumly as she finally edged onto the  
  
bed.  
  
"Now, Buffy, how have you been today?" he asked.  
  
"Fine," she sighed "look doctor, I know these checks are necessary in  
  
the hospital, but I really am doing fine. I really think I'm ready to  
  
leave now." she insisted.  
  
The doctor let out a small chuckle "Buffy, I'm sure you think you're  
  
fine, but you have been through a lot and been very unwell. You still  
  
have a long way to go." he told her.  
  
"But-."She tried to argue but he interrupted her once again.  
  
"Ok," the doctor interrupted "let's see just how alright you are  
  
shall we. Buffy have you eaten anything today?"  
  
"Um, well" she hesitated "no." Buffy mumbled.  
  
"Didn't think so. Buffy until you are eating normally and have a  
  
proper diet you are not well enough to go home." the doctor told her  
  
sympathetically.  
  
Buffy sighed, resigned to the idea that she was going to be in that  
  
hospital for a long while yet. She knew she wasn't well, and she did  
  
want to get better, but she was worried that unless she could fully  
  
face up to her problems, and the thing that caused them then she  
  
wouldn't get better. But she wasn't ready to face it yet. She wanted  
  
to move on, and she wanted Spike to be the one to help her. But in  
  
her mind it was unlikely that was going to happen. She looked back at  
  
the doctor who had just finished checking her charts.  
  
"Well, Buffy, first things first, get on the scales and let's see how  
  
your weight is doing."  
  
After leaving Buffy, Spike had walked as quickly as possible back to  
  
Drusilla's room. When he walked in she was sitting quietly on her  
  
bed, seemingly in some sort of dream world.  
  
"Hey, Drusilla." he greeted softly. This seemed to pull her out of  
  
whatever dream she had been in and she looked over at him "Hey pet, I  
  
got your things, want to see what I brought?"  
  
She smiled brightly and nodded her head. Spike moved over to the  
  
chair by the side of the bed and sat down. He gave her a kiss on the  
  
head and then opened the bag in his hands and began to empty its  
  
contents.  
  
"Ok, first we have..." he rummaged around for a minute before pulling  
  
out the first object "your favourite picture."  
  
Drusilla's face lit up, but seemed kind of sad at the same time, the  
  
item was the last family picture that had been taken before the death  
  
of their parents. It was taken the day before Spike had left for  
  
America, and the family looked so happy. It was the last picture of  
  
all four together. Spike could see the emotion playing on his  
  
sister's face.  
  
"You okay, pet?"  
  
"Yes, Spike, I just was remembering how happy we all were that day.  
  
Mum and dad were ever so proud of you. I remember the said to me  
  
after you went away 'that's our William, such a good boy, he's made  
  
us so proud' they were so proud right until the day they died." she  
  
told him quietly.  
  
Spike had tears in his eyes but tried not to show it, he simply moved  
  
on to the next items, he reached into the bag and pulled out a  
  
selection of clothes.  
  
"Here are all of your favourite outfits." he told her, she smiled and  
  
waited for him to continue, he reached in and brought out a book of  
  
poetry and a sketchbook.  
  
"That's the last of it pet, the book of poetry you read all the time  
  
and your sketch pad and drawing things." he finished.  
  
She smiled widely at him.  
  
"Thank you, my Spike, all my favourite things, right here with me all  
  
the time. Yay." she laughed excitedly.  
  
"Well I'm glad your excited pet, but because of you little  
  
disappearing act earlier, I have to go. Visiting is over. I'll see  
  
you soon." he told her kissing her on the forehead.  
  
She looked downcast but didn't protest, she just stood up and moved  
  
to give him a hug  
  
"Alright, my Spike, I'll stay here next time you are coming to visit.  
  
I'll see you later." she said.  
  
"Alright, pet, I'll see you soon. Take care Dru." he told her in way  
  
of a goodbye.  
  
He kissed her forehead and turned to leave the room. As he walked  
  
along he saw a doctor leave the room that Buffy had gone into  
  
earlier, however, he did not see Buffy leave. He remembered that she  
  
had said she preferred spending time with the patients as opposed to  
  
the staff, and guessed she must have stayed to talk to the occupant.  
  
He walked up to the door intent on going in to say goodbye to Buffy,  
  
but thought better of it, not wanting to impose on a patient, so he  
  
walked away from the door again and left the hospital.  
  
It was a week later before Spike was visiting Dru at the hospital. He  
  
had a big job on and hadn't been able to afford taking the time off.  
  
In that week he had thought about Buffy numerous times, just as she  
  
had of him. As he walked through the corridors he looked around to  
  
see if Buffy was around but he didn't notice her. She was there  
  
though, she was watching from her room door as he opened the door to  
  
Dru's room. She decided to wait a few minutes until she was sure he  
  
wouldn't come out again and then go to the television room to avoid  
  
him, as much as she wanted to see him again, she didn't want to risk  
  
him finding out the truth about her.  
  
Spike walked into Dru's room to find her sound asleep with a doctor  
  
writing in her chart.  
  
"Hi, doctor, what's going on?" Spike asked worriedly.  
  
"Oh, she had a bit of an episode about half an hour ago, she was  
  
screaming and talking about the stars and then tried to lock herself  
  
in the bathroom. We had to sedate her." he informed Spike.  
  
Spike was upset he wished he had come sooner, couldn't help thinking  
  
that if he had then it wouldn't have happened but deep down he knew  
  
his presence wouldn't have made any real difference, it never did  
  
when she went into one of her episodes.  
  
"Ok, doctor." Spike said.  
  
"There probably isn't any point in you sticking around. She won't  
  
wake up for hours at least. If she even wakes up again tonight." the  
  
doctor advised.  
  
"Well, I may just go and have a coffee or something and then come  
  
back to check on her before I go. Would that be okay?"  
  
"Of course, no problem" the doctor said as he exited the room.  
  
Spike left just a few moments later. He walked hurriedly down the  
  
corridor. Half way to the elevator he collided with someone. He felt  
  
a sense of deja- vu when he saw who he had bumped into.  
  
Buffy had just walked out of her room, she was walking with her head  
  
down so she wouldn't be recognised if Spike did happen to be around.  
  
She was walking at a fast pace, and then hit a hard body. She groaned  
  
and then looked up, meeting the same blue eyes as the last time, the  
  
eyes that belonged to the very person she was trying to avoid.  
  
"Bloody hell, Buffy, luv, I'm so sorry." he apologised .  
  
"Don't worry about it," she assured him "but I do need to breathe."  
  
Spike jumped up and held his hand out to help her up.  
  
"I'm sorry." he said again.  
  
Buffy giggled at how much he was apologising.  
  
"I said don't worry about it. I'll live. And anyway it's not everyday  
  
I get to tell the girl's I had a gorgeous guy on top of me."  
  
Spike raised an eyebrow and it suddenly hit Buffy what she had just  
  
said  
  
"Oh my God, I sound like Anya. I am so sorry." she stumbled out  
  
blushing profusely.  
  
Spike simply looked at her with an amused look on his face.  
  
"Don't worry pet." he reassured her.  
  
"So where are you headed?" she changed the subject.  
  
"Well, I was here to see my sister but she wasn't doing great today.  
  
I was just heading to get a coffee. Hey, do you wanna join me?" he  
  
offered with a smile, all the while feeling oddly nervous.  
  
Buffy looked at him and returned his smile. "Yeah, I'd like that."  
  
Ten minutes later the two were sitting at a table in a quiet corner  
  
of the cafeteria. They were both silent at first, with Spike  
  
eventually breaking the ice.  
  
"So, Buffy, how did you come to be volunteering here?" he inquired.  
  
Buffy chewed at her lip nervously, thinking of the best way to  
  
explain, she wasn't ready to tell him the truth, so she tried to  
  
think of a convincing story, after a moment she saw that he was  
  
waiting for her to answer so she started her story.  
  
"Well, I was in college up until a year ago, things were good, and  
  
the way it always seems to happen, the good went bad. I was just  
  
about to start my senior year, majoring in psychology, and then I  
  
found out I was pregnant. That was a big shock for me."  
  
"So you have a child." he stated.  
  
"Actually no, but I'll get to that. Anyway, a few weeks after that my  
  
mom got sick. She's okay now, but she had cancer. Had to go through  
  
surgery and chemotherapy. It was a very stressful thing. I had to  
  
drop out of college. Then about four months into my pregnancy, my mom  
  
was really unwell, I had to do everything and it was too much. I lost  
  
the baby. After mom got better she moved away, she wanted to start  
  
over, and do something different. With no college I needed something  
  
to fill my time, so I decided this would be a good way to do it." she  
  
finished.  
  
Spike looked on in amazement thinking about how much she had been  
  
through and yet she wanted to keep helping other people. He couldn't  
  
help but think that she was someone very special.  
  
"So, what do you wanna do now? Are you going back to college or what?"  
  
"I wanna go back, but I think I wanna train as a nurse or something.  
  
Working here has shown me how important the job is, and it's the kind  
  
of job where in some small way you do make a difference and that's  
  
what I want to do." she told him "But enough about me, what do you  
  
do?"  
  
"Well," he started "I design websites. It's cool. Not the job I  
  
always wanted but I do like it. At the end of the day, it was much  
  
more sensible than what I wanted to do. I needed something that paid  
  
the bills and the job I have does that, I can afford a good living."  
  
he finished.  
  
"What is it that you wanted to do?"  
  
"I wanted to be a writer. I've always loved books and poetry and I  
  
write my own stuff. But, it isn't the most reliable profession." he  
  
told her  
  
"But you should always follow your dreams." she insisted.  
  
"Much as I agree with that statement pet, sometimes you have to put  
  
them on hold for a while. But I do want to do some writing  
  
eventually." he said.  
  
"Cool, so what about your family?"  
  
Spike suddenly felt very uncomfortable, not because she had asked,  
  
she didn't know. It was because he had never talked about it with  
  
anyone. But he decided now was as good a time as any to start. After  
  
all she had opened up to him. He cleared his throat before beginning.  
  
"Actually, my parents are dead. They died last year. That's why I'm  
  
here. My sister was very close to them and hasn't coped well with  
  
their deaths. She became very depressed and has basically gone mad.  
  
She tried to kill herself.."  
  
Buffy gasped and regretted asking him, she wanted to know about him  
  
but she felt very insensitive  
  
"Buffy, don't worry, you didn't know. I haven't talked about it  
  
before, but I'm glad I finally told someone. My friends know but  
  
generally I avoid the topic with anyone else."  
  
"Well, I'm glad you felt you could confide in me to some extent." she  
  
said genuinely.  
  
They shared a smile and got back to their conversation talking foe  
  
the next hour about anything and everything. Each becoming more and  
  
more interested in the other. They talked so much that neither  
  
noticed that all the other visitors had gone. 


	4. Chapter 4: Conversations

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**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

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**A/N: please review**

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**Chapter 4: Conversations  
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It was three days since Buffy and Spike had coffee together and she had played the conversation they had shared over and over in her mind. She had been shocked at how much they had to talk about whether it was something frivolous or an important subject. They had a lot of views that differed, but neither minded. The reason being that each felt strongly about their opinions and therefore neither questioned the others opinion. They simply agreed to disagree. They had talked about a range of subjects from their families and pastimes through to the biggest political issues of the moment. Buffy was surprised that she hadn't seen Anya, after all she had said she would 'speak to her later' and she knew what that meant in her friend's mind. She suddenly discovered that she had perhaps thought that so soon, because as she was sitting in bed going over that day with Spike for the hundredth time she saw her door creak open and Anya come in. She sighed, knowing that an interrogation was imminent.  
  
"Hello Buffy" Anya greeted cheerfully "I told you we would talk" Buffy grimaced and gave a weak smile and motioned for Anya to take a seat.  
  
"Look, Anya, I know what you're thinking but-"  
  
"No, Buffy I don't think you do" Anya disagreed "you have no idea how crazy I think you are. Speaking of thinking, what were you?" she shouted  
  
"What" Buffy squeaked "What was I what?"  
  
"What were you thinking telling Drusilla's brother that you work here?" said Anya  
  
"Look, Ahn, I don't know I just"  
  
"Just what?"  
  
"I just really liked him, and I knew he wouldn't want anything to do with me if he knew the truth" she sighed  
  
"Buffy, you don't know that, he seemed to like you from what I saw and that was before you told him you were a volunteer" Anya reassured her  
  
"But Anya, if he knew the reason why I'm here. I can't tell him that. His sister is sick and he has a bad enough time taking care of her, he wouldn't want to be with me if he knew why I'm here. It would be too much for him" she told her friend  
  
"But Buffy, that should be his decision. And besides, the illness you have is completely different to what Drusilla has. Chances are Drusilla is never getting better, she's crazy, something happened to her and she's looked away somewhere that she's probably never coming back from. You on the other hand, with a little help, you can get better. You need emotional scarring healed sure, but at the end of the day, eventually you will leave here. Drusilla may not, unless she gets taken to an institution of course" Anya told he bluntly  
  
"Anya-"  
  
"No, don't Anya me" the girl snapped "stop feeling sorry for yourself, Spike deserves to know the truth. It's not fair to be this dishonest with him. If you think he wants a relationship with you and you want one with him, then you have to tell him. It's only fair. You wouldn't want him to find out later would you"  
  
Buffy shook her head in the negative and continued to listen to her friend's rant  
  
"You should tell him, maybe he's what you need to get over what happened. You won't ever forget but you have to move on, start over. He could be the perfect person to help you do that" she finished  
  
"I know" Buffy agreed "I have to tell him. So I'll tell you what, if he wants a relationship, if I think anything is going to happen then I will tell him the truth. But not yet. I'm just not ready. But soon I will tell him" Buffy promised  
  
"Good" Anya said "it's the right thing to do. Oh and when you do anything with him, will you tell me the answer to my enquiry" Anya asked  
  
"What enquiry" Buffy was puzzled, she couldn't remember anything Anya had said about Spike other than...  
  
"Tell me what his eyes look like when he's horny" she exclaimed with a wide grin, Buffy groaned and threw a pillow at her.

While Buffy was having the talk with Anya, Spike was meeting up with his best friend. He was sitting at a table in a bistro waiting for him to arrive, he was thinking about Buffy when he saw the figure sit down at the table across from him. He looked up with a smile  
  
"He Gunn, how's things man?" he asked  
  
"Ok, I guess, been busy." The other man told him  
  
Charles Gunn had been the first person Spike met upon arriving in town. He was in a couple of Spike's classes and they had talked on the first day, becoming firm friends. Gunn was currently in graduate school training to be a lawyer.  
  
"So what about you man. How have you been?" the other man asked  
  
"Not great" Spike told him "Dru's in a hospital has been for over a month. She's really sick. Tried to kill herself. I tried to help her but I don't think she's gonna get better" he said sadly  
  
"That's rough" Gunn sympathized "any silver linings?" Spike got a silly grin on his face and nodded  
  
"Met a girl. She volunteers at the hospital. Man, this girl is amazing. She is absolutely gorgeous, smart and funny and kind and-"he babbled  
  
"I think I get the picture" Gunn cut him off knowing his friend would go on forever otherwise  
  
"Sorry, it's just I really like her" Spike informed him  
  
"So does the chick have a name"  
  
"Buffy"  
  
"Buffy, what kind of name is that?" asked Gunn  
  
"It's unique, just like her" Spike chastised  
  
"Ok, whatever. Looks like this girl really did a number on you. She's got you whipped already" he laughed  
  
"As if asshole" Spike growled "besides I haven't even been on a date with her yet. Gonna ask her next time I see her"  
  
"Wait a minute, you're this crazy of a girl you haven't even on a date with yet? Man you're more whipped than I thought" Gunn taunted Spike gave out another low growl to show his displeasure at his friends teasing  
  
"Yeah well say what you want she's special. I really like her."  
  
"Well, you deserve someone descent so I hope she's as great as you say" Gunn said. Spike gave a small smile, and the conversation ended there. Both deciding to catch up on other new developments.

Buff was still sitting on her bed an hour later when the doctor came in and smiled at her  
  
"Hello Buffy, I've got some good news for you"  
  
"What?" she asked "You get to go home" the doctor informed her  
  
"Oh my god really, I do?" she squealed excitedly  
  
"Yes but only for the weekend. Your mother is coming in so you get to go home for the weekend, for a visit. But you will be back here on Monday" he added Buffy's excitement decreased only slightly, she hadn't been out of the hospital in over three months or seen her mother so any time away was great.  
  
"Thank you doctor" she said genuinely. Just as she said this she saw a flash of blonde hair and a black leather jacket pass by her door and quickly told the doctor she had to do something as she ran from the room. The doctor had been about to leave anyway, she had her checks in the morning.

She ran outside and called Spike's name. She flashed a smile when he turned round. He walked back towards her  
  
"Hi pet, fancy seeing you here" he greeted  
  
"I know, I'm usually never in this place" she joked "so how have you been?"  
  
"Good. You?"  
  
"Also good" she smiled  
  
"Um,. Buffy I wanted to ask you something" he shuffled nervously from foot to foot, trying to think how to ask her, he hadn't asked anyone out in a while "Well I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me Saturday night"  
  
"Um" she pretended to think before answering "yeah I would like that"  
  
"Great" he exclaimed "well tell me your address and I will pick you up on Saturday" She was glad her mom had kept her flat when she moved away and even gladder for home visits. She quickly told him the address and gave him a bright smile "Well, pet, I should probably get to my sister. She'll be wondering where I am. I'll see you Saturday. Pick you up at seven"  
  
"Sure I'll see you then" they said their goodbyes and Buffy retreated to the television room. Feeling like she was walking on air. And she couldn't help but think Anya was right maybe he was the one.


	5. Chapter 5: First Date

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A/N: Hey all sorry it's been a while since i updated but i was on ho;iday for a week. Hope you enjoy the new chapter, please review and let me know what you think. I will be starting the sequel to Child of mine soon and i'm working on a couple of other stories too so look out for them.

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**Chapter 5: First Date  
**  
That Saturday Buffy was excitedly throwing her essentials into an overnight bag. It was noon and her mother would be picking her up any minute. But her excitement wasn't really due to the fact that she would see her mom, sure she was glad about that, but she was hyper about her date with Spike that night. Anya had begged her to tell him the truth but she decided to wait and see how things went first. She had just put the last of her things in her bag when there was a soft knock at the door. She turned around and smiled happily at the sight of her mother in the doorway  
  
"Mommy" she exclaimed running to hug her "oh my gosh, I've missed you so much"  
  
Joyce hugged her back and smiled at her daughter "I've missed you too honey. How have you been?"  
  
"I'm ok. Doing better" Buffy told her  
  
"That's good. Ready to go" Buffy nodded yes and ran to pick her bag up off the bed. They walked slowly to where her mother's car was parked, updating each other on how they had been and what was new in their lives. Buffy slid into the passenger seat while her mother went around to the other side and got it.  
  
"So" Joyce said once she was behind the wheel "what do you want to do today?"  
  
"Oh, Oh mall" Buffy squealed happily Joyce gave her daughter a surprised look. It had been a while since her daughter wanted to go clothes shopping, after all she had been through she had lost interest. She looked at her again and then started to enquire about the change in her behaviour  
  
"Alright Buffy Spill"  
  
"Spill what?" asked Buffy in her most innocent voice  
  
"Buffy you haven't wanted to step foot in a mall since all of this started, why now? Because honey, you seem ok to me just now, but you suffer depression so I know you still have bad days. But why the happiness all of a sudden and trips to the mall" she asked sternly  
  
"Alright, alright" Buffy huffed "if you must know I met a guy. He's really nice and I have a date with him tonight" she told her mother dreamily  
  
Joyce looked worried and voiced her concerns  
  
"Buffy, I don't know if that's such a great idea. Your last relationship was bad. You are still getting over that, I'm not sure if you are ready to get involved with anyone"  
  
"Mom, you don't have to tell me how bad my relationship was, I remember it. But I need to move on, and I think Spike can help me do that. I really like him and I at least want to try. I will be okay" she reassured  
  
"And how does he feel about your condition, your past?" Buffy looked away guiltily, avoiding her mother's look  
  
"Buffy" Joyce demanded  
  
"He doesn't know."  
  
"Buffy, how can he not know, you are in a hospital so I am assuming that is where you met" Joyce ranted  
  
"Yes it is, but he thinks I volunteer. But I swear mom, if things go well tonight I'm going to tell him I swear. I already promised Anya. If things work out I'll tell him tonight" she swore Joyce merely sighed and nodded  
  
"Well, I guess we are going to the mall"  
  
Buffy and Joyce spent the next three hours going through every store in the mall to find the perfect outfit for Buffy. She didn't know if it would be somewhere fancy or somewhere casual, so she looked for something neutral. By the time they had been to every store. Buffy decided that she had found the perfect outfit. Unfortunately, it had been in the first store she visited. With a groan Joyce followed her back to the store where they then purchased the outfit. Joyce didn't mind too much though, it was the first time she had seen Buffy truly happy in a long time.  
  
At seven Spike was standing outside Buffy's door, he was very nervous and therefore had yet to ring the doorbell. He stood for a moment taking deep breaths to calm his nerves before ringing the bell. The door was answered almost immediately by an attractive older woman, with long golden hair who he assumed must be Buffy's mother. He smiled at her.  
  
"Hi, you must be Spike. I'm Joyce Buffy's mom" she introduced herself  
  
"Hi, it's nice to meet you Ms Summers" he greeted  
  
"Please call me Joyce" she insisted "come through to the sitting room. Buffy should be down in a few minutes"  
  
Spike nodded and followed her into the other room. He stood awkwardly looking around his surroundings and became lost In his thoughts, he was surprised to hear the sound of Joyce's voice  
  
"So, Spike, what is that you do for a living?" she asked  
  
"Oh, I design web sites. Been doing it for about two years since I finished college" he said  
  
"That sounds interesting. So you met Buffy at the hospital I hear"  
  
"Yeah, my sister she's sick. I was visiting her and I literally bumped into your daughter. Liked her ever since" he admitted shyly  
  
"Oh that is so. Oh here she is" she exclaimed  
  
Spike turned around to see Buffy standing by the door. He was speechless. She looked fantastic  
  
"I, um didn't know where we were going so" she blushed  
  
"You look great pet" he told her She was wearing a beige coloured suede skirt that sat at her knees and had a bit of a flare to it. It was teamed with a cream silk peasant blouse, and cream strappy sandals. Her make up was done natural in earthy tones. And her hair was also very simple, left mostly down with some pulled back from her face and held with a clip at the back of her head. It was simple but elegant. And she looked great.  
  
"Thanks" she blushed again "so um, where are we going?"  
  
"Well, I was thinking there is a great little bistro I know, not too fancy but not shabby either. That sound good?" he suggested  
  
"Sounds perfect" she smiled  
  
"Well ok then. We should get going"  
  
"Ok" she walked over and kissed her mom on the cheek "I'll see you later mom. Have a nice night"  
  
"You too. Both of you" Joyce called as they left the house.  
  
It was a short drive to the bistro and it was filled with easy conversation about books, television and whatever else they felt like talking about. Sitting in the restaurant, having just been served their meals Buffy was the first to speak  
  
"So, how is your sister doing?"  
  
"Not sure. She has good days and bad days. On the good days she's like the person she used to be, before it all happened. On the bad days, she's like a stranger. She can be scary, and I don't know what to do about it" he confided Buffy sympathised with him, she could tell he was hurting about the situation, but she wanted to know everything about him  
  
"I hope you don't mind me asking, but what was it like before? What were your lives like"  
  
"I don't mind you asking Buffy" he assured her "I just don't normally talk about it. Might do me good though. When we were younger it was great. Dru and I we were always close. There was only two years between us but I was the typical big brother and did everything I could to protect her. Our folks were great. Hardly ever fought. They genuinely loved one another until death did they part and all that rot" he laughed  
  
"Anyway, Dru, she was so full of life. She loved doing all the girly things, like dancing and sleepovers and everything. She always had crushes on my friends and I was always teasing her about it. But at the same time we could tell each other anything. We were each other's confidante'" he reminisced  
  
"That sounds great" she said softly  
  
"It was, but things changes. Things are what they are for a reason and I'll keep trying to help her. Because somewhere in there the sister I knew still exists"  
  
Buffy ran a comforting hand up his arm. They ate the rest of their meal talking about all manner of things, but Buffy made a point of changing the subject if her past relationships came up.  
  
After the meal they found themselves walking along the pier hand in hand. Spike watched the way her hair blew around in the breeze and thought it was a breathtaking sight. Suddenly he came to a halt  
  
"You know" he started "we have talked about me and my life tonight. Tell me something about yours"  
  
Buffy was afraid at the request, simply was because the memories of her life scared her, but she tried to think of something happy  
  
"Oh well, I have a sister too, I meant to tell you about that. Her name is Dawn, she's seventeen. She lives with my mom, but she's staying with friends this weekend which is why she isn't here" she informed her companion  
  
"That's nice tell me more" he prodded  
  
"Well, I remember that when we were younger we used to walk along this pier in the summertime with mom. We loved it. We loved the fair rides they had sometimes, don't have them much now. Sometimes we would bring picnics in the evening when it was quiet but still light and warm out. We would sit and just talk it was great" she told him.  
  
Spike smiled and wished he could have seen her then. Seen her so carefree, because part of her always seemed reserved around him. Buffy was also aware of this but she had every intention of changing that. They walked for another few minutes before Buffy stopped. Before he got a chance to say anything she leaned in to plan a lingering kiss on his lips. He looked at her in amazement as she leaned in again, this time she granted his tongue entrance almost immediately. He was a great kisser, and Buffy was getting very into it, however Spike pulled back  
  
"Spike, what's wrong?" she asked  
  
"I don't know really. Buffy I really like you but I need to know what this is to you. I don't want a one time thing Buffy, I'm not that kind of guy, never have been. I won't start now" he told her  
  
"Well, me either. Look Spike I don't know what you want, but I know what you want" she walked closer to him and ran a hand down his chest and placed her hand over the bulge in his pants "and I think you want the same thing. Spike none of us can predict the future. But I want to live in the moment. Neither of us knows how long we have, and I want to live my life while I can and it's you that has helped me see that. I'm gonna take my happiness when I see it right in front of me" she told him  
  
Spike looked into her eyes and saw only certainty there so, he leaned down once again attaching his lips to hers, she pulled back a minute later  
  
"Take me to your place "she whispered He led her back a long the pier to where his car was parked. The drive was made in relative silence. Both thinking about what was about to happen.  
  
When they arrived at Spike's apartment fifteen minutes later he led her in, once inside the door Buffy kissed him, it was slow and passionate, she wanted to show him that she was sure about what she wanted, and show him how much she wanted him. He broke away from the kiss and took her by the hand, leading her through to the bedroom. Standing by the foot of the bed their lips met once again in a slow but passionate kiss, he ran his fingers softly down her arms and over to the hem of her top. He pulled it slowly up over her head. Buffy mimicked his movements to remove his shirt. Spike kissed his way down her neck to her collar bone. Continuing down to the top of her breasts. He kissed and sucked there for a moment before reaching around and un- clasping her bra. He continued to kiss her breasts while massaging them with his hands. He then continued downwards caressing her body with his hands while kissing over her tummy. He reached his arms around and caressed her back for a moment. Continuing to lavish attention on her tummy. He then moved his hands down to unzip her skirt and gently pull it down until it pooled around her feet and she stepped out of it.  
  
He lowered her slowly back onto the bed and moved up to kiss her again. The kisses continued to stay lingering, but increasingly passionate. Tongues soon fighting foe dominance. He reached down between kisses to slide her panties off, before working his way down her body again. When he reached her crotch He licked her from bottom to top parting her lips with his tongue. He repeated this action a few times before bringing his tongue up to circle her clit. This soon had Buffy thrusting her hips in order to intensify the feeling. Spike delighted in the sounds of pleasure she made and smiled into her mound,  
  
He added another finger and pumped them steadily in and out all the while sucking on her clit. She was writhing in pleasure. After a few minutes she was panting heavily until she fell over the edge moaning loudly, her muscles clamping around Spike's fingers  
  
"oh my god" she gasped as he body shook with the power of the orgasm. After she relaxed a bit Spike pulled his fingers out over her and moved up to meet her in a fiery kiss after pulling away he looked at her and asked "You okay luv"  
  
She nodded "I'm brilliant" before leaning in to kiss him again. She rolled them over so that she was leaning over them and worked her way down. She sat up and unbuttoned his jeans, she then slowly released the zipper and slowly and leisurely slid his jeans down his legs.  
  
She grasped his hard length in his hand and stroked it a few times before working her way back up his body. They kissed more heatedly and he rolled them over again, so that he once again lay above her. They continued to kiss and broke away panting hard, she leaned up once more grasping his head to kiss him, more slowly this time, loving and romantic as he positioned himself at her entrance. The kiss never broke as he began to push into her. He pushed in slowly allowing her to adjust to the feel of him. At the moment she felt him seated completely she had never felt so filled. It just felt right. It was like something she had never felt before. And Spike was having very similar thoughts. He felt at home surrounded by her heat. After a moment he began to thrust slowly in and out of her. Buffy met him thrust for thrust and they found a steady rhythm. There was no rush for the experience to be over, they were both enjoying the pleasure they were finding in each other in that moment, each of them feeling the connection between them. A series of moans escaped Buffy's lips as she met Spike's thrusts. They continued at the slow pace for a few moments until both felt their releases nearing. Spike sped up his thrust never breaking the rhythm they had found, he leaned in and kissed as he moved his hand between them to find her aching clit. He stroked it gently as they continued to thrust and after a moment she fell over the edge gasping his name  
  
"oh god, Spike" she panted Spike thrusted a few more times before following her over the edge her name on his lips "Buffy" he gasped  
  
They were still for a moment, simply staring into each others eyes, when they had caught their breath, Spike leaned in and kissed her softly, but passionately on the lips.  
  
"That was great" she said softly  
  
"You were great" he murmured in her ear. He gave hera peck on the forehead before rolling off of her and taking her in his arms.  
  
They lay in peaceful silence for a few minutes before Buffy started to speak  
  
"Spike, there's something I need to tell you" she started  
  
"Yeah, I need to tell you something too, Buffy, I know I haven't known you very long but, I want you to know hat I don't just want sex from you. I like you a lot. And I want you to know that you're already special to me. I could really fall in love with you" he admitted softly to her  
  
Suddenly she couldn't tell him what she had intended to, she was going to but those were not the words that came from her lips  
  
"I feel the same way. In fact I think I already am. Falling in love with you I mean" she said  
  
A smile lit up Spike's face and he kissed her again pulling her close to him  
  
"Good, me too. So I guess we can agree on something. Let's get some sleep, we are going to need a lot of energy for what I have planned for the morning" he informed her with a wolfish grin  
  
She returned his smile and wrapped her arms tighter around him closing her eyes, both falling quickly into a deep and contented sleep.


	6. Chapter 6: Early Mornings

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A/N: Hey all, here's a new chapter, please read and review cos i luv reviews

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**Chapter 6: Early Mornings**  
  
The next morning Buffy awoke to a soft kiss being placed on her lips. She opened her eyes to see herself still wrapped lovingly in Spike's arms. For the first time in a long while she felt safe and loved and whole. She twisted a little to face him completely, kissing him as she did  
  
"Good morning" she breathed  
  
"Morning" he smiled back "how are you?"  
  
"I'm good, really good" she told him  
  
"Well I'm glad, because I have to say I feel great myself" he leaned down and placed a soft kiss on top of her head, holding her tightly to him  
  
"What time is it?" she asked  
  
"Um, it's 6.30" he said  
  
"I can't stay much longer, my mom will kill me" she sighed regretfully  
  
"Buffy you're a big girl, you can stay out at night." He insisted  
  
"I know" she started "it's just that my mom isn't here very often so she really wanted to spend time together. That's why she came so she'll be annoyed if I'm not around" she struggled to fin a good explanation but he seemed to buy this one  
  
"Ok, well, I guess I'll just need to make the most of you for the next hour or so" Spike grinned  
  
"Well, I guess you will" she purred as she leaned towards him. Their lips met in a passionate kiss and spike rolled them so that Buffy was laying on her back again with him over her. They continued to kiss until they needed to breath. When they pulled apart, Spike kissed his way down to her neck and continued the trail down to her breasts. He then started to work his way further down her body and was surprised to feel her stop him by placing a hand on his arm to pull him up. He looked at her questioningly, but she only smiled at him and pushed him onto his back. She placed a kiss on his lips and them proceeded to kiss the same trail down his body that he had to her just moments before. She kissed down his sculptured chest, delighting in the way his muscles flexed under her touch. She sat up after a few moments and reached down to take his erection in her hand. She stroked slowly up and down in a steady rhythm. His breath was coming in pants as he lay there, trying to keep his control. She continued this until she needed more. She moved to straddle him and sunk down on him slowly, allowing him to fill her. They let out a simultaneous gasp at the feeling of being joined once again.  
  
She placed her hands on his chest to keep her balance. She felt whole when she was with him. Spikes thoughts were centred on how perfect it felt to be inside of her. How we5t and tight she felt around him and he never wanted to leave. After a moment she began to move. They maintained the same steady rhythm as the night before, with Spike's fingers digging into her hips, once again meeting each others thrusts. She began to bounce more and more rapidly as the feeling intensified. This went on until Spike rolled them over so that he was once again on top of her, by this time neither wanted to take it slow and he thrust back into her. Her cries filled the room as he pounded into her repeatedly, the bed squeaking beneath them. It was a passion she had never felt before and that she decided she definitely wanted more of it. She writhed beneath him, moaning his name, as she felt him move inside of her. Suddenly he felt her wall clench around me and she cried out his name. At the feel of this, feeling her coming he moaned her name in reply as he came, panting with pleasure. He slowly rolled off of her, leaning in to kiss the side of her neck and spooning her up against him.  
  
She smiled at the feel of his arms around and gave a content smile  
  
"Just keeps getting better" she murmured Spike let out a raspy laugh and nodded against her neck  
  
"Got to agree with you there pet" he concurred as she turned to face her, a small smile still on her lips, which suddenly disappeared as she remembered something.  
  
"Spike I really need to tell you something"  
  
"What is it baby?"  
  
She couldn't do it, she just couldn't tell him "I need to get going, I have to get home. My mom will worry if I don't get home soon" she lied  
  
Spike looked disappointed but nodded  
  
"Ok, time for something to eat first?" he asked She shook her head  
  
"Um, no thanks, I'm on a diet"  
  
"Buffy, you don't need to be on a diet. In fact you look like you could be doing with gaining a little weight" he told her, for the first time taking in how thin she really was. She was still gorgeous, but she looked so much slimmer with no clothes on and now that it was light out he noticed.  
  
"Well. I'll think about ending the diet" she promised He smiled at her as she walked towards the door to go to the bathroom to change. While she was gone he slipped on his own jeans and shirt, and began to slick back his hair. He turned and smiled when she came back through the door  
  
"Need a lift home?" he inquired  
  
"Yes please"  
  
"Ok, I'll just finish getting ready and we'll go" he said, she nodded as he walked past her to have his turn in the bathroom.  
  
Buffy sat waiting on the edge of the bed, thinking how perfect everything had been. Everything had just felt so right, and she didn't have single regret other than not being able to tell him the truth. But she would tell him, eventually.  
  
Spike walked back into the bedroom and saw her lost in her thoughts. He thought she looked worried about something and wondered if it was connected to her reluctance not to tell him much about her past. He decided that he would work on getting her to open up more. He wanted to spend a lot of time with this girl, therefore he was determined to know more about her. He coughed to let her know of her presence and watched as the worried look left her face and a smile greeted it. She looked up at him as she stood, suddenly feeling more confident. She had noticed that he held that quality, the ability to make her forget what had happened and make her feel like the person she used to be. He made her feel confidant again, feel like a person and more importantly feel worthy of being loved. She walked over and kissed him softly and chastely on the lips. It was only a short kiss, meant to show that she cared. And for some reason, both of them considered it the best kiss they had shared. He looked deep into her eyes and she did, and each felt the other staring deep into their souls. Spike broke the moment because he knew that they really had to go, so he took her by the hand, intertwining their fingers and led her out of the room. When they were outside he opened her car door and then got in on his own side. They drove with relative silence, but both gave each other meaningful glances every so often. Mostly just so that the could be sure that the other was really there, that the whole thing had not just been a dream. He drove until they reached her home and Spike got ou6t to open her door. Before she left he took her in his arms to kiss her goodbye. The kiss lasted for several minutes, neither person aware of the woman standing by a window looking down on them with a small smile, mixed with a hint of worry. When they parted, Spike brought Buffy's hand to his mouth and planted a small kiss on it.  
  
"Goodbye" her whispered  
  
"Bye" she whispered in return "I'll see you soon" "You better believe it" he vowed letting go of her hand. She stood on her toes and planted a kiss on his cheek before turning and walking towards the apartment. He watched her go, wishing that he could just pull her back into his arms and keep her there. He never wanted to let her go. He would be happy to have her in his arms for the rest of his life. He watched until she was inside before getting back into the car and driving off.  
  
Buffy walked into her apartment in a daze. She still felt like she was in a dream and any minute she was going to wake up. And n some ways she wasn't wrong. She walked into the kitchen to see her mother standing there, looking at her expectantly  
  
"Well?" Joyce asked  
  
"Well, I had a good time" Buffy told her mother Joyce sighed, knowing she was going to have a hard time trying to gfet her daughter to tell her anything, but she knew that it was important that she did  
  
"Well what did he say?" Joyce persisted  
  
"He said he's falling in love with me" Buffy said dreamily, Joyce smiled, assuming that everything had gone ok, judging by that reaction  
  
"So he took the news well then" Joyce was relieved by this fact until she saw the ashamed and sheepish look that crossed her daughter's face "oh Buffy no. Please do not tell me that you slept with that boy and continued to deceive him"  
  
Buffy looked more ashamed as she answered her mother  
  
"Mom, I was going to tell him I swear, but then he told me he was falling in love with me and I just couldn't. Because I realised that I have fallen in love with him mom. I know that I have to tell him, but I just couldn't not then" she explained  
  
"Buffy, he doesn't deserve to be lied to, he seems like a nice boy who has been through a lot. He deserves to know the truth otherwise everything he thinks you have between you is a lie. Because it's based on a lie. Don't do that to him" Joyce begged  
  
A silent tear rolled down Buffy's face  
  
"Mom, I don't want to hurt him, but I'm afraid I'll lose him if he knows the truth"  
  
"That's a chance that you have to take. He needs to be able to make that decision"  
  
"Mom, I don't think I'll ever get better without him. Today for the first time, I really wanted to get better. Mom, in the time I've known him he has made me feel like I was worth something. He makes me feel like I deserve to be loved and I feel like I can do anything when I'm with him" she cried. Joyce went over to hug her daughter and in a soothing voice told her  
  
"Then Buffy you have to tell him the truth and then tell him what you just told me. If he's half the man he appears to be, and if he cares like he says he does, he won't walk away. But he has to know"  
  
Buffy nodded and gave her mother a watery smile  
  
"Ok, I'll tell him, next time I see him, I'll tell him" she vowed "thanks mom. I'm going to go change, then let's go do something" Buffy suggested as she went towards the stairs. Joyce watched her with a proud smile.


	7. Chapter 7: A Truthful Lesson Part 1

A/N: hey guys. The people over at the spuffyfantasy archive said that this story didn't flow, so far I haven't had any complaints but leave a review and let me know what you think. Thanks guys.  
  
**Chapter 7: A Truthful Lesson - Part 1**  
  
The rest of that weekend had passed in a whirlwind for Buffy, and  
  
unfortunately she hadn't seen Spike since. Not that he hadn't wanted  
to see her, but he had been away for the past week and a half on a  
job. She called him most days, mostly because she couldn't exactly  
have him call the hospital looking for her. She wanted to tell him  
the truth, not have him stumble upon it when he tried to call her at  
home. So, she had contented herself with calling him and enjoying  
hearing the sound of his voice. And those feelings seemed to be  
pretty much mutual. Spike had admittedly found it strange that she  
never wanted him to call her, but he just put it down to the crazy  
hours she seemed to work at the hospital.

Both parties were relieved when the day came for Spike to get back  
after being away. Buffy because she could finally get rid of the  
burden of lying to him and Spike just because he couldn't wait to see  
her again. Buffy had been doing good since that night with Spike. The  
doctors were seeing an improvement in her medical status, it was a  
slow improvement but it was more than they had seen previously, and  
it was all because of what she had told her mother. Since meeting  
Spike, she wanted to get better. So she had finally started eating 2  
meals a day. They were small, but it was more than they had been able  
to get her to eat before, hence the improvement. Spike meanwhile  
hadn't felt so good since everything with Dru had started. He always  
put on a brave face, but in truth in prior weeks, he had started to  
doubt if he could do anything to help his sister. He had almost done  
the one thing he had said he never would and give up. But being with  
Buffy had given him a renewed sense of hope. He felt that if he could  
find love so easily, then maybe he could help Dru. He was blissfully  
unaware of what was to come.

The day that Spike was due to visit Dru in the hospital Buffy paced  
her room. She knew he was going to be there as he had asked her on  
the phone if she would be working, and of course she said she would.  
She had chewed her nails right down in anxiety. She was so afraid  
that when she told him he would walk away. She felt that if he did,  
she wouldn't survive because thus far he was the only thing that had  
made her want to get better. Eventually she gave up pacing and went  
for a walk in the grounds to take her mind off the whole thing for a  
little while. She walked around for about 45 minutes before looking  
at her watch, when she saw the time she knew that Spike would be  
there soon, so she decided to go back inside and wait until the end  
of visiting and then she would get him alone.

Spike was walking towards Dru's room when he saw her. He could only see the back of her, dressed in a pair of blue jeans and a white tank top, but he knew it was her. He could just tell. Somehow he knew that he would know her anywhere. He hurried to catch up to her. She was standing in front of a closet looking at something. He snuck up behind her, opening the closet door quietly before taking her hand and pulling her inside.

Buffy let out a squeal when she felt herself pulled inside, only to  
let out a breath when she saw her captor.  
  
"Spike, you asshole you scared me half to death." she scolded.  
He couldn't help but laugh at the shocked and frightened look on her  
face, it was very childlike and he thought it was adorable.  
  
"Awe, baby, I'm sorry." he apologized wrapping his arms around her "I didn't mean to scare you, I just had to do this." he said as he  
leaned down to kiss her. She tried to protest she really did, but the  
moment she felt his lips on hers she surrendered. She gave in and let  
him kiss her, allowing him immediate entrance to her mouth, moaning into the kiss. When they broke apart she felt like he had kissed her breathless.  
  
"Mmm, I've missed you." she murmured against his shoulder.  
  
"I missed you more." he said, kissing her neck, still holding her in  
his arms, slowly working his way back up to her lips. This time she  
didn't try to stop him, she gave in willingly. She gave herself over  
to him completely. His hands tangled in her hair pulling her closer  
to him. He felt like he wanted to devour her hole, and she knew that  
she would gladly let him. He started to work his hand between them to undo the button on her jeans, suddenly her mind was screaming at  
her 'No, what are you thinking. You can't do this again without  
telling him' so she reluctantly pulled away. He looked at her  
confused at her reaction. He had thought that she wanted to. And was  
afraid that he may have tried to push things too far.  
  
"Buffy." he started.  
  
"No Spike," she interrupted him before he could continue "don't  
worry. It's not you. It's just that I really have to talk to you  
about something, but not here. Meet me after your visit. I have to  
see a patient now. I'll meet you here after visiting." she promised  
with a kiss on the cheek, she straightened her clothes and exited the  
closet, she waited until she saw him go toward his sister's room and  
then turned to go to the cafeteria to see if she could find Anya. She  
needed some advice on how to tell him.

Spike walked dazedly to Dru's room, wondering what Buffy had to tell him. He was afraid that she would break up with him, just when he felt things were going right and had basically decided that anything  
would be better than that. But he put on a happy face for Dru's sake  
and walked in the door.  
  
"Spike." she called out gleefully when she saw him, leaping out of  
bed to go and hug him.  
  
"Hi Dru, how are you, pumpkin?" he asked with a smile. She looked  
like a little girl, she always did.  
  
She gave him a dazzling smile and hugged him tight, when she pulled  
away she twirled around answering his question.  
  
"Oh, Spike, I have been doing so very well. The doctor, he says I'm  
doing better all the time. I only had one episode this week." she  
announced as she came to a halt.  
  
A smile split Spike's face at the words and he thought maybe he had  
been right, maybe she could get better  
  
"Dru, that's great. I'm glad you're doing better. I worry about you."  
  
"Oh, my William. You don't have to worry, I'm alright. The pixies  
told me I will get all better." she whispered In his ear.  
  
He sighed, the pixies were still talking to her so she couldn't be  
doing all that great, maybe there had been some improvement but there was still a long way to go.  
  
She saw the look on his face and felt hurt that he though she was  
crazy.  
  
"I'm not as crazy as you think Spike. I know I'm not well in some  
ways, but in others I am fine." she scolded him as she climbed back  
into bed. He walked over and sat on the edge, taking her hand in his  
and looking at her apologetically.  
  
"Dru, I know you're getting a bit better, but talking about pixies  
will make the doctors think you're crazy. I just want you better,  
pet. I want you home. I miss my sister." he told her, sadness evident  
in his voice, and it was soon reflected in her eyes, and a tear fell  
slowly down her porcelain skin.  
  
"I'm sorry William, I'll stop talking of them I promise, I just want  
to go home. I want mummy and daddy back. I miss them." she cried. Her tears began to fall freely as did his and he held her whispering  
softly in her ear  
  
"Me too pet, me too."  
  
He held her close for a long time until he felt her go limp in his  
arms. When he looked down she was fast asleep in his arms. He laid  
her down and stood up. He watched her sleep for a few minutes before placing a soft kiss on her forehead and turning to the door. He  
decided that he may as well go and find Buffy.

Buffy hadn't been able to find Anya, she had looked around everywhere she could think of, but she wasn't around. She had stopped to have a can of juice and then decided to head back to her room to freshen up. When she opened the door, she got the biggest shock of her life.

Spike saw Buffy open the door to a room, thinking it was a patient's  
room, he started towards, deciding to wait there until she was done.  
When he saw a man in the room, his suspicions were not aroused at  
all, he simply assumed that was the patient. He walked up to the  
door, but was alarmed when he heard raised voices. However he did not intrude straight away, instead he remained by the door, listening to  
hear exactly what the problem was.

She couldn't believe her eyes when she opened the door. Standing  
before her was the tall brunette man she hated more than anyone else  
in the world. The reason for all of her problems. He looked at her  
with an evil smile when she entered the room  
  
"Hello Buffy. Been a while."  
  
She stared him dad in the eyes.  
  
"What are you doing here? What do you want?" she ground out.  
  
"Now come on, is that any way to talk to the man you love." he  
sneered.  
  
Spike looked on in shock, but didn't move.  
  
"I don't love you. I hate you. You are a monster and I will never  
love you." she snapped  
  
The brunette stalked towards her laughing, and talking in a menacing  
tone  
  
"Now, now, baby, that's not nice. I know you've missed me. Come on  
give me a kiss." he leered leaning towards her. She felt repulsed but  
she knew she couldn't push him away, she could feel his breath on her  
cheek as he whispered in her ear.  
  
"I'm back."  
  
"Get away from me. You are the reason for this. You are the reason  
I'm here. I hate you. You sick bastard." she screamed as she tried to  
get away tears starting to form in her emerald eyes..  
  
Spike was still stood in shock in the hall, watching the events  
unfold in the room.  
  
"Come on Buff, you know you want me." the brunette said as he roughly pushed her against the wall, pulling at the buttons on her jeans, roughly pawing at her breasts. She was terrified, but felt powerless to stop him, just like she always had. She never could stop him, never get away. This was her one chance at getting away and yet he found her.

Standing in the hallway Spike suddenly snapped when he saw the man  
touch her and he burst through the door, pulling him off of Buffy. He  
hit him in the jaw, then punched him again and he heard a crack of  
bone when his fist connected with the other mans nose.  
  
"Listen hear you bastard, don't ever lay your hands on my girl. I  
ought to get security, harassing a member of hospital staff, but I'll  
give you the chance to walk away, but I warn you." Spike was cut ff  
as the man's laughter filled the room  
  
"What is it?" Spike snarled  
  
"Oh nothing," the other man laughed "it's just that I could've sworn  
you just called her a member of staff." the other man saw Spike's  
confused look and let out another bark of laughter. He continued as  
he saw what was going on.  
  
"Oh this is too good, let me tell you something about our little  
Buffy." the man said.  
  
Buffy had a horrified look on her face, she couldn't let him find out  
like this.  
  
"Xander, No." she cried.  
  
Yet Xander didn't halt was he continued with the news that would  
shock quite a few people in the room.


	8. Chapter 8: A Truthful Lesson Part 2

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**A/N:**H**ey all, were you all shocked Xander was the bad guy, well that's what i was going for. Hope you all are enjoying the story. Keep Reviewing**

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**Chapter 8: A Truthful Lesson Part 2**  
  
Buffy looked on in horror at her ex as he prepared to spill her  
biggest secret, the one thing that she wanted Spike to hear about only from her.She couldn't stop Xander from telling Spike, no matter how much she wanted to, there just wasn't any way. So she looked on at the scene in front of her, waiting for the onslaught of words and the reaction of the man she was rapidly falling more and more in love with as the days passed.

Spike, was looking at the other man confused, he had no idea who he  
was or what he wanted with Buffy, but he had a funny feeling he was  
about to find out.  
  
"What the hell are you talking about?" Spike demanded.  
  
"Xander, please don't do this," Buffy begged from she was standing  
just behind Spike. Xander just looked at her coldly. A sick and  
menacing smile playing on his lips  
  
"Don't do what Buff, tell Captain Peroxide here the truth about his  
precious Buffy." he commented snidely.  
  
"Listen up you soddin' Ponce, you had better tell me what the hell  
this is all about or I swear I will hurt you." Spike threatened.  
  
Xander only laughed and began to walk closer to the other two  
occupants of the room.  
  
"Oh, I'll tell you what this is all about," Xander said "this is  
about your precious Buffy being a lying little bitch."  
  
"Hey now you better..," he was cut off when Xander started talking  
again, while Buffy could be heard sobbing behind him.  
  
"Buffy here isn't a volunteer. She's a patient. That's right you  
idiot. Your little Buffy is crazy, a nut job just like everyone else  
on this ward. Sure they call it depression and an eating disorder,  
but it all means the same thing. She's crazy, that's all it is when  
all is said and done." the man finished, a look of sick pleasure on  
his face. Clearly enjoying what this was doing to Buffy.  
  
Buffy looked terrified and ashamed and a whole range of different  
emotions, but when she saw the hurt look on Spike's face one emotion over rode all others. Anger. And she let it fly as she began to scream  
  
"And who's fucking fault is that?" she asked "Who is the reason I'm  
here, who's the person who made me that in the first place?" she  
answered the question for him when she saw that he was obviously not affected by her words, "It's your fault Xander. For two and a half  
years, you beat me up, you put me down every chance you got. I was  
always being told how ugly, and stupid and worthless I was. You raped me and called me fat and made my life hell for two and a half fucking years. I was just a toy, because I was too afraid to leave. This was my only escape..." she paused for a moment as a tear rolled down her face and her voice was softer when she began to speak again.  
  
"I hardly ate a thing for a year because of the things you said and  
did to me. It was the only way to escape. I wanted to die, because if  
I was dead I could be free. But then I left and I came here and I'm  
getting better and I was free from you. Why couldn't you stay away."  
she fell to the floor in a heap, crying in sobs. Spike was still  
looking on, unsure of how to react, it was hard to take it all in.  
  
Buffy looked up when she saw a shadow looming over her, but she did not see the face she wanted to see. Xander kneeled down and in a low threatening voice spoke.  
  
"I'll never stay away. Buff, you can't escape me. I own you. I will  
make your life hell, and trust me I'll have fun doing it. And by the  
time I'm done, you'll beg me to take you back because even that will  
be better than what I'll be putting you through. Get used to it  
Buffy, you're mine." he stroked a hand down her cheek as he spoke  
increasing how threatened, afraid and uncomfortable she felt.

Suddenly Spike came back to reality and jumped into action dragging  
Xander off Buffy and throwing him against the wall.  
  
"Listen up you bastard, you get the hell out of here. I see you here  
again..." his voice had a dangerous edge to it "if I see you here  
again, or anywhere near Buffy, well let's just say I can make threats  
too, and I don't mind carrying them out. Now fuck off." he snarled as  
he let go of him and stepped away. Xander just straightened up his  
clothes and smirked at the two before walking out the door.

Buffy was still on a heap on the floor when she felt herself being  
lifted up and carried to the bed. She looked up into the blue eyes  
she loved so much and saw the hurt and confusion which lay within  
them. She tried to explain to him.  
  
"Spike, I was going to tell you but..."  
  
"Buffy don't," he cut in "I can't do this now. I need to think, I  
need some time." he told her. She didn't try to say anything, she  
understood his need for time, so she nodded her head and watched as  
he walked out.

Neither of the two slept well that night. Spike had tossed and turned  
all night, still unable to get his head around everything. Buffy had  
not been much different after a while she had given up on sleep and  
read a book, right through until the sun came up and she was  
exhausted and eventually fell into a restless sleep. Spike sat at his  
computer trying to focus on his work but it wasn't going too well.  
The previous day was still playing on his mind. The words the other  
man had said had been running constantly through his head and nothing he could do would make them go away. About one o'clock in the afternoon he switched off his computer and left his home. He needed to clear his head.

Buffy was sitting alone in her room when a knock disrupted her, she  
saw Anya come in the door, smile on her face.  
  
"Hey Buffy, how's things with Mr. Handsome." Buffy's face fell at the question, she had been trying hard to take her mind off it, and  
although it hadn't been working terribly well, being reminded of it  
made her worse. Anya could tell by the look on her face that  
something had happened.  
  
"You didn't tell him did you?"  
  
"No," she admitted "but..." she said before the outspoken blonde  
could say anything "he knows."  
  
"How can he know if you didn't tell him?"  
  
"I told you my story right. Well, Xander showed up yesterday, Spike  
said he would get security because he assaulted a member of staff.  
Xander told him the truth, and then I kind of had an outburst." he  
words were given like a report, no real emotion carried in them. She  
thought maybe if she didn't give the words emotion then she wouldn't  
have to feel them at all. But that really wasn't the case.  
  
"Oh Buffy, what did Spike do?"  
  
"Nothing, he said he needed time. And I understand that. It's a lot  
to take in."  
  
"Yeah, it is. But if he's as cool as he seems, he'll be back and  
he'll come back." she said, her words never got much farther as there  
was a knock on the door.

Spike walked around Sunnydale's streets for about three hours, not  
paying attention to anything. He went in and out of a few shops,  
anything so that his mind was elsewhere. But it always ended up back  
at square one, however in the last hour things started to clear up a  
bit, as he noticed that there was only one other thing that came to  
his mind as often as what he had learned the day before. So he got in  
his car and headed to where he needed to be.

Buffy was surprised at the sound of the door. She wasn't expecting  
anyone, she had already seen the doctor that day so she didn't know  
who it could be.  
  
"Come in." she called out somewhat uncertainly, part of her afraid  
that it was Xander again. However she had a pleasant shock when she  
saw the face at the door.  
  
"Dawnie." she squealed.  
  
"Buff." the younger girl squealed in the same manner.  
  
"Oh my god, Dawn what are you doing here?" she gasped taking in the image of her little sister. The girl was 17 years old and much taller  
than Buffy, she had long Brown hair and big blue eyes and a much  
lankier frame than Buffy, but she was an extremely pretty girl. There  
was some family resemblance, the same big eyes, although different  
colours, the same bright, warm smile.  
  
"Mom, sent me down for a few days during spring break." she informed her sister.  
  
"Oh that is so great. Oh Dawnie, this is my friend Anya." she  
indicated the other blonde who quickly stood up.  
  
"Hello, Buffy has told me a lot about you. It's nice to meet you.  
I'll go and let you two talk, but don't mind her if she's cranky  
she's having problems with her orgasm friend." she told her easily as  
she walked towards the door. Buffy looked embarrassed while Dawn  
looked amused. When the door closed and the two girls were sat  
comfortably on the bed Dawn asked.  
  
"So, what's all this about an orgasm friend."

Spike walked down the corridor of the hospital, he decided that  
before he did what he had come to do he would look on in Drusilla.  
When he opened the door he found her fast asleep, not wishing to  
disturb her he quietly crossed the room and kissed her forehead,  
before equally as quietly turning and leaving again. He walked to  
Buffy's room and stood outside the door, trying to gear himself up to  
talk to her. He could hear soft voices coming from outside but he  
couldn't put this off, or he may never do what he had come to do. So  
knocked softly on the door before turning the handle. When he opened  
the door he saw her talking to a pretty brunette, when she looked  
over to see who had come in he gave her a small and shy smile.  
  
"Hi Buffy."

Buffy turned when someone entered her room and next to her sister,  
she didn't think she had ever been so happy to see a person. She  
could see the apprehension on his features and returned his soft  
smile when he greeted her.  
  
"Hi Spike." she greeted softly.  
  
"Sorry to interrupt," he apologised "it's just I think we need to  
talk."  
  
"Yeah you're right," she agreed "Spike this is my sister Dawn. Dawnie this is Spike."  
  
"Hey Spike." the younger Summers smiled. She leaned over and  
whispered in Buffy's ear "He's hot."  
  
She giggled before standing up.  
  
"I'll let you two talk this over. I'll see you later, I'll wait  
outside for now. Spike could I talk to you for a moment." she  
requested.  
  
Spike nodded and followed her out.  
  
"Look, I know that this really isn't my business, the relationship  
part anyway but Spike she's sorry. She would have told you, I believe  
her when she says that. She was just afraid of your reaction. Just  
give her a chance, because she really cares about you." she said.  
  
"I'll listen to what she has to say. It's good that you care." He  
replied.  
  
"She's my sister. I want her better and happy, and from what I see  
you would be the solution to both." was her simple remark before  
walking away from him. He watched her for a moment before going back into the room, and crossing until he was stood in front of her bed.  
  
"I think it's time we talk."


	9. Chapter 9: Talking It Over

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**A/N: Ok so here's the big discussion. I was a bit unsure about this chapter so pls pls pls review and let me know what you think. Thanks guys. Enjoy the chapter**

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**disclaimer: I own nothing. it belongs to Joss and ME**

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**Chapter 9: Talking it Over**  
  
Buffy watched as he edged closer to the bed until he was standing  
right in front of her. She motioned for him to sit, which he did,  
before turning to him  
  
"Yeah, we do" she agreed. She took a breath and waited to see if he  
was going to start the ball rolling or if he was going to leave that  
honour up to her. After sitting in silence for a few minutes, just  
looking at each other, she couldn't take it any more. Couldn't handle  
the way his eyes were looking right at her. It wasn't exactly  
unnerving, she knew he would never hurt her, he wasn't Xander, but  
she was still uncertain, so she took the initiative and decided to  
explain herself.  
  
"Spike, I need you to know that I was going to tell you. I don't know  
what else to say only that I was going to tell you" she swore to him,  
praying that he would believe her. She had come to care for him and  
she could not bear the thought that she might lose him.  
  
"When?" he asked.  
  
"Yesterday. That's what I wanted to talk to you about. But then  
Xander showed up and ruined everything" she explained to him. He  
remembered the conversation from the day before in the closet. It did  
make sense, she had been hesitant with him and he supposed that could have been the reason, but he was still finding it hard to understand why she felt she couldn't tell him, which led him to his next question.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me? Did you think I wouldn't understand, is that  
it? I need to know Buffy I need you to tell me" he pleaded, she could  
hear the desperation in his voice, the confusion was evident in his  
  
tone.  
  
"I don't know Spike. I guess I was afraid. I have trouble trusting  
guys since Xander, in fact, he's only the second guy I was ever with.  
No one else since obviously until you. I was afraid if I told you the  
truth then you'd think of me the way Xander described me, crazy. I  
have some problems yeah, but I want to get better. I know my own mind and I know that I want to be with you" she told him, she was trying not to be controlled by the emotions which were threatening to  
overcome her. She was barely suppressing the tears welling in her  
eyes, but she didn't want him to pity her so she held them back.  
  
"Buffy, you hurt me. I can hardly take all of this in. But I made a  
promise to your sister that I would listen to what you had to say. So  
I want you to tell me. Tell me all of it, what Xander did to you, why  
you're here. Make me understand" he appealed to her. In his heart he  
needed to know it all, otherwise he would always wonder.  
  
"It's a long story. Are you ready to hear it?" she questioned  
  
"As ready as I'll ever be"  
  
"Alright. From the beginning then" she sighed and took a breath  
before starting on her story "Well I met Xander in my second year  
of college, I was just about to turn twenty, we were at a party he  
spoke to me and he seemed sweet. Kind of goofy but sweet. So we  
started seeing each other and for the first two months things were  
fine. But then things went sour. We were on a date and once we got  
home he wanted to come inside with me. I share an apartment off  
campus with a friend. I hadn't slept with him yet, I wanted to wait.  
Well, that night he decided he didn't want to wait any longer. But he  
didn't rape me. No he just wanted to get off, so he came inside. My  
friend was out with her boyfriend so we were alone. We were in the  
living room, I was standing by the door and the next thing I know I'm  
pinned against it. He told me that he was just a man, he had needs  
and that his girlfriend I had the it was my obligation to see them  
taken care of. "Spike saw that she had turned a little green at the  
memory.

"Anyway, he went on to let me know that he didn't need sex, there  
were other ways. He undid his belt and pulled down his pants. Then he  
pushed me down to my knees and forced himself into my mouth. I'd  
never done it before but it really didn't matter. I thought it would  
never be over. I just knelt there scared and feeling sick until he  
finally came. I had no choice but to swallow and I retched at the  
taste. That really made him mad and he slapped me before walking out.  
  
I cried myself to sleep still sitting in that spot. The next day he  
called me up saying how sorry he was, sent me flowers and begged me  
to forgive him. Promised it would never happen again. I'd only had  
one other boyfriend, I was naïve and I believed him. Took him back.  
Things were good after that for a while anyway" she choked back a  
sob, she still didn't want to cry, show weakness. Spike looked on  
feeling helpless, he wanted to comfort her but he was in turmoil  
inside and felt he wouldn't be of any use, so he sat, and listened.  
After taking a moment or two to compose herself, she was ready to go  
on.

"So things were fine, he was nice, sweet Xander again. And I thought  
I loved him. He was good to me. I put that night down to frustration,  
believed it wouldn't happen again and it didn't. Two months after it  
happened I felt ready and I slept with him. It wasn't what I  
expected. Wasn't spectacular, no fireworks all the things a girl  
imagines there will be when she loves someone and sleeps with them.  
It was just something we did. But he was happy, things were better.  
But a few weeks later, things got bad and they weren't gonna get  
better after that. It was during exam time and I was tired. He was  
staying at my place a lot, my friend was always at her boyfriend's  
house. So, he was staying over one night and I was tired. He wanted  
sex I wasn't up to it. He was really mad. Worse than the time before.  
He told me I didn't have a choice and I tried to argue. He screamed  
that I would never talk back to him and slapped me. Then he laid into  
me. Punching me and slapping me. When he had enough of beat me, he ripped my underwear off pulled his pants off and pushed into me. I  
screamed in pain. That wasn't the person I knew. He yelled at me the  
whole time telling me that that was all I was good for. I was a whore  
and I deserved it. He said I was fat and ugly and that I would stay  
with him because nobody else would ever want me. I was stupid and I  
believed him. After he was done he pulled out he kissed my forehead,  
rolled over and went to sleep. He didn't apologise the next day. He  
was smart. No one ever saw the bruises he never hit me on the face,  
at least not hard enough to leave a mark" By the time she finished  
that sentence she couldn't hold the tears back, they wracked her tiny  
body, talking about it brought the memories flooding back like it had  
happened just the day before. Since knowing Spike they hadn't been so vivid.

Spike could no longer just watch he moved closer to put a  
comforting arm around her, he was hurt and angry, yes but he did  
care. She however, was determined to continue, tell him everything.  
  
"After that he raped me a few times, he never used a condom, but I  
was on the pill. I became more and more drawn back from the life I  
knew. I felt like a shadow of the person that I used to be. Willow,  
my friend, started to notice but I denied it, told her she was  
imagining things. She was a bit too preoccupied with her own life to  
put up any real argument to the contrary. So it went on. And  
eventually I wanted an escape, his favourite thing was calling me  
fat. So, I stopped eating. I thought that maybe if I lost weight he'd  
stop, but eventually it was more about dying. I wanted to die, it was  
the only way to escape, that was about 9 months ago. I hardly ate for  
six months and lost about between sixty and eighty pounds. I had to  
eat sometimes if my mom was around, but otherwise I just told her I'd been really run down. The constant raping and beating went on, I was so ill that the pill stopped working and I got pregnant. I was too  
ill, and the beatings were too bad and I lost the baby. Probably the  
best thing to happen though because he said he'd kill it anyway. It  
also meant the end. The end to my torture, a few day after I lost the  
baby, four months ago, he was taunting me, calling me a whore, saying he was glad the baby died and he was about to rape me again. I tried to defend my self and he beat me. Beat me really bad he slapped,  
punched and kicked me for I don't know how long, then said goodbye  
and left. I lay in the hallway for about an hour before Willow and  
Oz, her boyfriend, came in and found me lying semi conscious on the  
floor, they called an ambulance and my mom and I was brought here."  
She confided.

Spike let the breath that he had been holding out  
thinking she was done, but that wasn't the case, there was still a  
bit more.  
  
"When I was able to talk to the doctor two days later, I told them  
everything, some they had worked out from the marks on my body, other things they had no clue about until I told them. Willow and mom were shocked, didn't know how they could have missed it. They had me evaluated and diagnosed me as having serious depression and anorexia.  
  
I have counselling twice a week, I'm here until I put on thirty  
pounds. Haven't been doing great. At least not until I met you. Since  
that night, I'm getting better. You made me want to get better, you  
made me feel like I was worth something. It still hurts but I'm  
getting somewhere now. I'm finally eating two small meals a day,  
which is better than before, I'm taking small steps forward and  
that's because of you. I don't have any regrets about that night. Or  
any of it really, because if it hadn't happened I wouldn't have met  
you. Of course I wish it never happened and will never fully get over  
it, at least I met you. I lost someone too though. Willow blamed  
herself and I haven't seen her since I was brought here" she finished  
sadly.

Spike was amazed, it was something that he would have never imagined, and she had been so much. But he was still unsure, didn't know what to say. But she had creped into his heart somehow and he couldn't deny that he cared. But he just didn't know what it all meant for them as a couple. But she was expecting him to say something, so he looked deep inside, making a decision that would affect both of them. But at that moment he couldn't make any other decision. So he looked up into her hope filled eyes and he knew that she was hurting, knew what she was hoping for. But he didn't know if he could give it to her. Both had tears in their eyes, he brought his hand up to push the  
hair out of her eyes and brushed a gentle kiss across her lip.  
  
"I'm sorry." he whispered, and the look of joy that she had on her  
features changed to one of despair as she realise what was  
coming "Buffy, I don't really understand but I'm sorry for what  
happened to you. But I can't be with someone who lied to me"

She nodded, she wouldn't put up a fight. It was her own fault, her  
mom and friends had begged her to tell him from the start and she  
didn't. She would let him go, she barely noticed that he started to  
speak again.  
  
"But I can and have to be with the woman I love." a smile crossed his  
face. The kiss had decided it. When he kissed her, even though it was  
only a brush of lips, he saw the fireworks she talked about and he  
knew that he had to try. The tears escaped his eyes when he saw  
Buffy's falling freely down her face. Obvious tears of Joy. Or at  
least he hoped so. His thoughts were confirmed when she threw herself into his arms and peppered his face with kisses, and nothing had ever felt so right.  
  
"Oh, Spike," she cried in delight "I thought I was gonna lose you. I  
am so sorry, I will never lie to you again I swear."  
  
"Shush," he commanded "it doesn't matter now, just be honest from he on out. But everything's gonna be ok baby. I'm here, and I'm here to stay." he told her.  
  
"Promise?"  
  
"Promise." he assured.

He pulled her down into a lying position on the bed, kissing her  
hair. Buffy felt wonderful but then dread filled her.  
  
"Spike? Xander will do what he said. He'll be back." she worried.  
  
"Let him, he's gonna have a hell of a fight on his hands" he stated,  
wrapping his arms tighter around her. Neither said another word, just  
laying peacefully neither aware that visiting hours were over, as  
they drifted to sleep.


	10. Chapter 10: Surprise

A/N: I put this at the start of every chapter i know bt please review. That way i know i'm doing this story justice.

Chapter 10: Surprise  
  
Buffy sat on the side of her bed looking out the window at the hospital grounds and the people going in and out, patients walking around. It wasn't the nicest scenery, mostly just other buildings and cars driving around. But there was a small fenced off garden area, with grass and trees and a few benches. It wasn't anything special, but she had gotten used to it in the time she had been there. But on days like this, when the sun was shining, she wanted to be anywhere but the hospital. Sure, she was allowed to walk in the grounds, but only sometimes and usually only with visitors. She was desperate for a change, especially now she was with Spike. She had thought of him constantly. He had visited her most days. Although two days he had only seen her for ten minutes, he did still have to visit Dru after all.  
  
The doctors had been pleased with her progress, it had been almost a week and they had managed to get her to eat one large meal and two small meals, for the past three days. The doctors were amazed at how quickly it was happening, one day they had to fight to get her to eat, the next she was determined to get better. Of course, there were days she really couldn't face it, but she forced herself to try. She knew she had to if she had any chance at getting fully better. She was still seeing her counsellor and had explained about Spike and that he made her want to get better. That hadn't gone down too well  
  
"Buffy, you have to want to get better for you. Not for someone else. Not because a man tells you he loves you" her counsellor told her sternly  
  
"I know that, and that's not what I'm doing" Buffy insisted "Spike only made me want to get better but not for him. He just made me realise that I am worth something. Since I met him he makes me feel like me again. He made me see that I deserve to be happy. But I realise that I can't be happy with him, or anybody else, unless I get better. Spike loves me anyway. I want to be better. Spike is just responsible for making me see that"  
  
A wide smile spread over Tara's face, it sounded to her like Buffy knew what she wanted. She believed her words. She had to admit that Buffy seemed much better than the she had in the whole time she had been in the hospital  
  
"Well, Buffy, if you're sure. But we are gong to keep having these regular sessions. And I want you to keep getting your feelings out. But I think you should stop doing it in the form of a diary. Be more creative. Unless, the diary works, but being creative with it can be more fun" the other woman smiled  
  
"Well I have been doing it in other ways than a diary" Buffy admitted "but I'm not ready to tell you about it yet"  
  
"that's fine. If it helps keep doing it" Tara looked down at her watch and then back at Buffy "well that's it for today. See you next day. And Buffy, you're looking really well. I'm proud of you" she smiled. Buffy beamed. She liked Tara, she was the closest thing Buffy had to a friend since she had been there.  
  
"Thanks Tara" she said as she left the room.  
  
That had been two days after her talk with Spike and Buffy was still feeling great. She looked down at the notepad in her hand with a small grin. She was proud of what was held inside. This was her other way of getting her feelings out, but she wasn't ready to share it yet. She looked at the clock on the wall, and the time told her Spike and Dawn should be there any time.  
  
Spike and Dawn stood outside the door talking between themselves. They had been planning all week, and only had to finalise everything now.  
  
"Do you think she'll be happy?" Dawn asked excitedly  
  
"She'll love it bit" he assured her  
  
"I hope so, I mean it'll probably be a bit of a shock. Have you goy everything?" she questioned him, the look in her eyes implying that he was bound to have forgotten something. He simply smirked snugly back at her  
  
"I have everything"  
  
"You better" she huffed jokingly "I'll go finalise everything, you go on in" she ordered taking the bag he was holding in his hand.  
  
While Dawn headed towards the nurses station, Spike turned the door handle to Buffy's room quietly so she wouldn't hear him enter. He stood by the door watching her, she was looking down and writing furiously in a book. She had a look of total concentration on her face. He felt he could stand and watch her all day, but he wanted to kiss her more  
  
"Hey there gorgeous, what you got there?" he drawled sexily from his place by the door. Buffy's head shot up as soon as she heard his voice. Taken aback for a moment to see Dawn wasn't there as he was supposed to pick her up. She wasn't like that for long though before she jumped up and ran to him. Throwing herself in his arms. Their tongues were locked in a fierce battle, both trying to devour each other. Spike's hands tangled in her blonde hair, while Buffy played with the small curls at the bottom of Spike's neck. She was always amazed at how soft his hair was and loved to run her fingers through his hair, as much as he did hers. The kiss was never ending, breaking apart only to catch their breath before joining together again  
  
"Eww" came a female voice from just outside the open door making the two jump apart. When they turned to see who was there they saw Dawn with a smirk on her face "get a room you two"  
  
"We had one until you came in" Spike said in a joking tone. Dawn laughed at this and came right inside the room, wrapping her sister in a hug and sharing a look and a small smile with Spike, confirmation that it was fine to go ahead with their plan.  
  
Dawn walked over and sat on the bed, picking up the abandoned notebook, Buffy noticed and flew to her taking the book from her hands. When she saw the strange looks she received from both her boyfriend and her sister she hurried to explain  
  
"It's something extra I do for my counselling, I'm just not ready to show you yet"  
  
Spike nodded and went to her, wrapping his arms around her waist while standing behind her  
  
"That's okay luv, you don't have to tell us. Only if you want to"  
  
"Thank you" she said as she turned around in his arms and stood on her toes to kiss him again. Before she got the chance Dawn cleared her throat and they turned back to her.  
  
"Oops, sorry" she false sweet tone. Buffy and Spike glared at her, while Dawn continued to smile sweetly  
  
"So, Buff" Dawn broke the silence "how do you like surprises?"  
  
Buffy answered her warily, looking unsure "depends on the surprise" she felt Spike move to go to the door and Dawn's smile widen and wondered what was going on. She had a feeling they were up to something. Dawn went home the day after tomorrow and she figured they planned something, but had no idea what it could be. After all, the hospital had rules. Spike walked back towards her holding a bag in his hands. Buffy eyed it suspiciously  
  
"What are you two up to?"  
  
Spike grinned and held the bag out to her  
  
"Open it up and see"  
  
She took the bag from him and saw inside was a couple of boxes, she took out the largest and lay it on the bed, opening it. Inside was a beautiful black, one shoulder dress. It went to just below her knee. It had a beautiful asymmetric hem, and looked amazing. Buffy was shocked. It was a dress she would have picked herself. She was too shocked to speak so she took out the next box and opened it. This box held shoes to go with the dress. They were black satin, high heeled sandals. The next box held jewellery to go with the outfit.  
  
"What is this for?" she asked breathily, still shocked at the contents of the bag  
  
"Well" Spike started "we thought you deserved something nice, you've been doing great this week, you deserve something special" he told her, bending to place a soft and swift kiss across her lips  
  
"This is amazing but I can't wear it. I can't go anywhere"  
  
Dawn looked at Spike with a happy gleam in her eye and he nodded, indicating that she could share the next surprise  
  
"Surprise" the teen squealed excitedly "we're taking you out"  
  
"Dawn, the hospital has rules" her sister reminded her  
  
"We know that dummy, we've been planning this all week. We just explained that my coming here was a spur of the moment thing and that I leave in two days. I'm staying at mom's apartment and Spike is staying there with me as my guardian, so you can go home for the weekend" she squealed. Buffy was soon squealing right along with her and hugging the breath out of her younger sister  
  
"Oh my god, you two, I can't believe you two would do this for me" suddenly she was bleary eyed and looking at them through teary eyes  
  
"of course we would, we love you dummy" Dawn scolded playfully. Spike turned her to face him wrapping his arms around her  
  
"She's right we love you" he paused "I love you" he leaned down and kissed her, and this time Dawn didn't say a word or make a sound. She could see how happy the two were together. Spike was great. She couldn't protest.  
  
Now" Spike said when the pulled apart "get your stuff, we have to get you home. Busy night ahead" he let her go and watched her move around excitedly, looking very happy.


	11. Chapter 11: Surprises With Love On Top

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**A/N: Sorry this chapter took a while burt here ya go. Please review**

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**Disclaimer, i own none of the characters. They belong to Joss and ME**

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**I'm not disclaiming the songs because they belong to me. I wrote them.**

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**Chapter 11: Surprises With Love On Top**  
  
Two hours later Buffy was being herded into Spike's apartment and  
being ordered to set all her new things out in his room. Buffy did  
all this without really thinking about it. She just went into the  
room and laid everything out on the bed. After she was done she went  
to sit with the others in the living room. As she sat down something  
occurred to her.  
  
"Um, why am I here and not at our own place?" she asked, a puzzled  
look on her face.  
  
Dawn looked at her like she was crazy, while Spike wore his trademark smirk.  
  
"Buffy," her sister started, speaking slowly as if it was the only  
way the older girl would understand "how often do you get out of the  
hospital for a weekend?"  
  
"Only when mom's home for a visit sometimes." she answered still  
confused.  
  
"And how often have you been alone with your new boyfriend. Somewhere other than your hospital room?" she told her. Dawn was astonished, she knew that Buffy wasn't the brightest spark, but still what she was saying should have been obvious.  
  
"Buffy, I'm staying at home. You are staying here with your  
boyfriend. To be alone." she yelled, finally getting too frustrated  
to explain it to her any other way. Buffy started to object straight  
away.  
  
"Like hell I am." Spike's face fell, and Dawn looked angry upon  
seeing his hurt expression and turned her sister to look at it. Buffy  
suddenly realised what she said and rushed to his side.  
  
"Spike, I'm so sorry, that's not what I meant."  
  
"Doesn't matter." he tried to shrug it off.  
  
"Yes it does," she insisted "I didn't mean it the way it sounded. I  
just meant that I don't want her staying there alone. And I don't see  
her very often."  
  
He sighed and shook his head. "It's ok, Buffy."  
  
"No, it isn't you're hurt. And it's my fault and now I'm going to  
lose you."  
  
Spike grabbed her arms and held her still "No you're not." he denied  
vehemently "It's going to take a lot more than that to push me away.  
I understand where you're coming from, I just would have liked to  
have you here. You have no idea how much I wish I could wake up next to you every morning. I'm so lonely when I'm not with you."  
  
She leaned in and kissed him softly, cupping his cheek. "I do know  
because I feel the same it's just."  
  
"Look Buffy. We have the whole day tomorrow to spend time together. I want you two to have time together too, that was the whole point of setting this up. You two need this," Dawn spoke directly to both of them "who knows how long it will be until you get another chance."  
  
Buffy and Spike shared a look, then glanced at Dawn and back at each  
other. Without saying a word, Spike wrapped her in a hug, and then  
pulled back to kiss her. As far as Dawn was concerned things had  
worked out so she sat down and let them be for a few minutes, before  
yelling.  
  
"Ok, ok, that's sweet and all but we have to get ready."  
  
Buffy snapped her head round to look art her sister and Spike  
growled. He wanted to keep kissing, but Buffy moved away from him, he grabbed her hand and tried to pull her back, resulting in a giggle from her, but she pulled free of his grasp and went to stand in front of her sister.  
  
"Well then what are we waiting for?" she questioned, she turned and  
ran from the room, towards the bathroom and the shower. Dawn rolled her eyes at Spike before getting up.  
  
"Good thing I showered before we left, she's going to use all the hot  
water" she told him as she went towards the spare room where all of  
her things that she had brought with her to get changed, were waiting.

Another two hours later Spike was ready and waiting for his  
girlfriend and her sister to finish getting dressed. He sat on the  
couch taking a cigarette from a packet in his pocket, he had just lit  
it when he heard a cough behind him.  
  
"Since when do you smoke?" Buffy scowled.  
  
"I just smoke sometimes, still trying to quit."  
  
She walked over to him and took it from him, stubbing it out in the  
ash tray in front on the coffee table "Congratulations you just  
quit." she gave him a sickeningly sweet smile and resumed  
talking "Don't argue. I hate smoking, it'll kill you."  
  
Spike huffed and stood up, he was about to complain when he noticed  
her in the dress he had bought her. And she looked stunning. The  
dress fit her form perfectly. She had put on some much needed weight, although not much and not enough to be allowed home, but enough that she looked much healthier. The jewellery set it off brilliantly. She had curled her hair and pinned it up in a way that the curls fell to hit the back of her neck. Her make-up was kept natural, red lipstick and a gloss, finishing the look. Spike grinned.  
  
"You, my love, look bloody amazing."  
  
Buffy blushed, lowering her head. She still wasn't used to hearing  
that. She was still used to be called ugly, but she liked the feeling  
that Spike's words gave him. She was about to thank him when she heard heels on the wooden floor, she looked up and her eyes almost popped out when she saw Dawn.  
  
"What are you wearing?" she exclaimed.  
  
"What does it look like?" the teen shot back.  
  
She was wearing a pair o low riding, tight leather pants and a red  
boob- tube that stopped above her navel, showing the little diamante  
stud she had in. Her hair was curled, and flowing down her back. Her  
make up was very similar to Buffy, and she was wearing, very high-  
heeled pointy black boots. Spike smirked at his girlfriend's  
reaction, and had to bite his cheek to prevent laughing at her  
expression.  
  
"Dawn, you are hardly wearing anything."  
  
"Buffy, you used to wear things like this." Dawn reminded her.  
  
Buffy stooped in her tracks, she knew this was the truth and  
therefore, she really had no right lecturing Dawn about it.  
  
"Ok, you're right i'm sorry."  
  
"It's ok."  
  
Spike clapped his hands together.  
  
"Let's go."  
  
He took Buffy's hand as all three left the apartment.

When they arrived at the club they were going to, Spike took Buffy by  
the hand and led her towards a table in the corner. Buffy was busy  
looking around taking in the surroundings. She hadn't been to this  
club since just after she left high school. It had been a regular  
hangout back then. She was so far down memory lane that she didn't  
notice the afraid looking redhead standing by the table. She was  
shocked when she turned around and saw her.  
  
"Oh my god." she breathed.  
  
"Hi Buff." said Willow in a small voice.  
  
"Oh my god." Buffy repeated.  
  
"Buffy I am so sorry." the other girl said, a tear sliding sown her  
face "I should have seen and I didn't I was too caught up in my own  
life. I am such a bad friend."  
  
This brought Buffy back to reality and she stepped up to Willow,  
resolve written on her face.  
  
"No, it was not your fault Willow. He is the only person to blame.  
You have a life of your own, and I got good at hiding. But I just  
hate the fact that I lost you because of it." she stated, crying now  
too.  
  
"You didn't lose me," Willow denied vehemently "I just thought you  
hated me. But, Buff, you're my best friend."  
  
"And you're mine"  
  
"Forever." Willow said, pulling her into a hug.  
  
"Forever." Buffy agreed..  
  
The two stood together, crying out all their tears. When the pulled  
apart the shared a watery smile. Buffy finally noticed that Oz was  
there too, and smiled at him.  
  
"Hi Oz." she said felling awkward. It didn't stay that way though. Oz  
simply squeezed her shoulder, smiled at her and said.  
  
"Welcome back, Buffy."  
  
After that the group took their seats and fell into conversation. It  
felt like nothing had changed. Their friendship was still as strong,  
now that they both knew how the other felt.  
  
"So what's going on here tonight?" Buffy asked.  
  
Oz and Dawn shared a knowing look. They still had one more thing up their sleeve that nobody knew about.  
  
"Open Mic night." Oz told her.  
  
Buffy grimaced at the thought.

An hour later the five friends were laughing and joking about everything. Dawn leaned over and whispered in Oz's ear. He nodded and stood up and the two disappeared. Buffy thought that maybe Dawn was going to sing and she wanted Oz to play the music. So she thought nothing of it and sat back in her seat. Willow and Spike were caught up in a discussion about poetry, but she didn't feel left out she liked seeing two of the most important people to her getting along.

A few minutes later, she was back in the conversation and they were  
talking about television. She and Spike were disagreeing about how  
good certain soap opera's were. Spike was a soap Junkie, Buffy  
couldn't stand them and it made for a very animated discussion. All  
of a sudden, a very familiar voice broke through  
  
"Hey everyone I'm Dawn Summers. I was going to sing tonight, but then I remembered that I play the instruments and I can sing a bit but  
it's my sister who writes the songs."  
  
Buffy watched the stage, praying Dawn wasn't doing what she thought  
she was.

Dawn had known what she was doing all along, she had spoken with Oz and given him the music to all of Buffy's songs so that they were  
prepared for everything.  
  
"So, I think" she continued "that she should sing, because  
truthfully, she's better than me. So everyone, I want you all to give  
it up for my sister Buffy."  
  
Buffy's eyes bugged out of her head. She looked around and saw the  
shock on her friends faces. No one knew that she wrote songs except  
Dawn. That was the other way she got her feelings out, but she was  
very self- conscious about it. But they were gonna know now, so she  
got up and walked to the stage. She did love to sing and had done so  
on stage a few times in high school, the writing was new. Spike looked on in astonishment, Willow knew she could sing, only the writing surprised her.

Buffy stood on the stage and went to talk to Dawn, telling her what  
she was going to sing before taking her place in front if the microphone. She didn't say anything.  
  
The music started and Buffy began to sing.  
  
"I can't deny the pain,  
inside of me  
the need to live  
and to be free  
  
sometimes i want to fly away,  
but my heart wishes  
you'd beg me to stay  
  
I wanna be loved,  
feel like i'm floating high above,  
high in the sky,  
dancin on clouds,  
where i can shout out loud,  
i simply want to be  
  
My heart has been torn in two,  
keeps on happening,  
with memories of you  
my eyes are open wide,  
but one day i dream,  
i'll have love on my side  
  
I wanna be loved,  
feel like i'm floating high above,  
high in the sky,  
dancin on clouds,  
where i can shout out loud,  
i simply want to be  
  
i want to run away,  
never to be found,  
i want someone to look for me,  
to turn my life around  
  
I wanna be loved,  
feel like i'm floating high above,  
high in the sky,  
dancin on clouds,  
where i can shout out loud,  
i simply want to be "  
  
Spike watched Buffy the whole time, he was enraptured by her voice  
and the haunting music. It felt like she was bearing her soul to him.  
  
As the final notes played the crowd erupted into applause, pulling  
Buffy from the trance she had been in. She looked over and saw Spike  
clapping, a proud grin on his face. She smiled, pleased that he liked  
it. She had intended only singing one song, but changed her mind and  
went to tell Dawn what to play next. Standing in front of the mic  
again she began to speak.  
  
"Hey, i'm gonna sing another song. This is a new song that i wrote  
and i want to dedicate it to my two best friends. Spike, Wills, this  
is for you."  
  
The music started and Buffy resumed her singing, a song that she had  
written about Spike, but that she realised, applied to Willow as well  
and she looked at them as she sang.  
  
"someone who'll understand,  
no matter what i'm goin' through,  
doesn't matter what i've done  
there's a person i can turn to  
  
you're not my judge or my jury,  
with you i don't need to worry,  
no matter how far the distance,  
you are always there to listen  
  
you're always there.  
just waiting to show you that you care,  
always honest, never lies  
don't need to know the when's or the whys,oh no  
  
This is my definition,  
of the ones who always listen  
to what i have to say,  
they know that what's in side counts,  
so they see me from the inside out  
  
Who i'm talking of are my true friends  
the ones who'll be there to the end,  
the ones to count on through thick and thin,  
the friendship that will never end. "  
  
She finished, a tear in her eye and left the stage, to the waiting  
arms of her friends.  
  
"I love you." Spike whispered.  
  
"I love you too."  
  
After a long hug, the five friends decided to go to a nearby diner  
for something to eat, Buffy and Spike were playing footsie under the  
table. Both were starting to get restless but neither wanted to break  
up the party. Eventually Willow had enough.  
  
"Guys go home. I'll see you tomorrow Buff. But you two need to go  
before we all get a free how." Everyone except Buffy and Spike burst  
out laughing. But Buffy and Spike were already half way to the door.


	12. Chapter 12: Family Outing

**A/N: I know i haven't updated in a while, but i was on a deadline for my other stories Lessons in Love and then my computer broke. I'm updating from a public computer. So as soon as it's fixed there will be more regular updates. And be kind, review the chapter, make me feel better. Oh i also have a website my stories are under BabybBlue's pen. go check it out. Thanks.**

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**Family Outings**   
  
**Chapter 12: Family Outing**

Buffy rolled over in bed, relishing the feel of the warm body laying next to her. She sighed contentedly as she looked up to see him lying with his eyes open, watching her. As soon as she looked up he smiled and gave her a kiss.

"Morning."

"Morning." she replied .

"Did you sleep well?" he asked her.

"I slept wonderfully, because you were next to me."

"Is that so?" his voice was low and seductive and it made her smile and giggle girlishly.

"Yes it is so," she affirmed "can't we just stay here?"

"Well as much as I love that idea, I would have thought you would have wanted to see your sister today."

"Oh yeah, I suppose." she grumbled jokingly, seriously looking forward to spending time with her sister "So what are the plans for today?"

"Well, Dawn and I were thinking, and it's up to you. We were thinking that I arranged to have Dru out for the day, she's been a bit better the past couple weeks, so we thought we could all go out together. You know, the mall, some lunch that kinda thing." he suggested.

She smiled again "That sounds great. A family outing," catching herself she continued "your family, my family, all on an outing."

He thought it was adorable when she babbled. He put a finger to her lips to make her stop talking. "It's alright pet. I get it." he smiled as he watched a pink tint spread over her cheeks. "Now, I have to get Dru at eleven and it's 9:30 now. So we have to get up and get ready."

She looked up at him, her face curling into a sly grin "But that still gives us an hour and a half, I'm sure we can spare a half hour" before he said anything she kissed him, slipping her tongue into his mouth. However he abruptly broke the kiss after a few moments.

"No, we have to go." he scolded.

"Spoilsport." she whined.

He chuckled at the pout seriously wishing he hadn't stopped, but he knew that if he started, he wasn't stopping. "Go have a shower." he ordered.

"Wanna come with me?" she offered. He took in her coy smile and groaned as he answered.

"No, if I do we won't leave this house, so go."

He watched her go before leaning down to gather up his dirty clothes waiting for his turn in the shower. While he waited he tidied the room as best he could, looking out everything that he was going to need. An hour later, both of them were washed and dressed and in the kitchen having a cup of coffee.

"So what are we going to do first today?" she asked him as she took a seat across from him.

"I was thinking we would go to the mall, and maybe have something in the food court, unless you want to eat somewhere else"

"No, that's fine. Just one problem, I don't have mom's credit card."

"Don't worry your pretty little head about that luv, everything is on me today." he told her.

"No," she protested "I can't ask you to do that."

"You're not asking, I want to do it. The same goes for your sister and mine. It's all on me." he insisted.

"You don't have-"

"I know," he interrupted "but I want to. So no more arguments. ok?"

"Ok," she agreed "thanks." "Don't mention it," he leaned over kissing her on the cheek and taking her empty mug from her and getting up to put it in the sink.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah," she answered standing up "let's go have some fun." she smiled at him as he grabbed his keys from the counter.

"Alright." he took her hand as he led her out of the apartment.

Spike walked into the hospital room to see Dru pacing excitedly, she looked up at the sound of the door creaking open.

"Spike," she cried "where are you taking me, the doctor said you're taking me out." Spike wrapped his sister in a hug, kissing her head

"Shopping pet, and for something to eat." She jumped up and down clapping her hands excitedly "Shopping, goody, haven't been shopping in such a long time". Spike smiled at seeing his little sister seem excited and more like her old self than he had seen her in a long while.

"Come on pet, the mall awaits." he held the door open for her as she walked out, smiling giddily at the thought of being somewhere other than her hospital room.

There were days when she was fine, just like she used to be and she always understood where she was and the reasons why, she just couldn't overcome certain things. She followed Spike out of the hospital doors and towards his car where she saw two other girls standing. She watched as he approached the elder of the two giving her a chaste kiss on the lips. Then he turned back to her smiling widely.

"Dru, there are a couple of people I'd like you to meet," he pointed at Dawn first "this is Dawn Summers."

"Hi." Dawn greeted smiling sweetly.

"Nice to meet you." Drusilla returned.

"And this," Spike said, taking Buffy's hand in his own "is Buffy Summers. My girlfriend." Drusilla adored her brother whatever condition she herself was in medically and it warmed her heart to see him looking so happy.

"Hello Buffy, I'm Dru, lovely to meet you."

"You too." Buffy said

"Buffy actually stays a few doors down from you in the hospita.l" Spike said.

They had discussed it on the way there and they had decided that they would tell Drusilla so that they would have something in common and hopefully Dru would feel more comfortable.

"I thought your name was familiar. Are you friends with Anya?"

"Yes that would be me." Buffy admitted.

"So you're the friend who had a crush on my brother." she watched as Buffy's face turned red

"Don't worry dear, she didn't tell me anything else, she's just not very good at keeping secrets."

"Definitely not." Buffy concurred. She felt more at ease. Today you would never guess that Dru was ill, she seemed so normal. She scolded herself for that thought, Dru was normal, she just had some problems. Like Buffy herself. Spike finally bundled everyone back into the car, taking off for the mall.

Spike groaned as he entered another shoe shop. They had been in the mall for over two hours and had yet to actually have anything to eat. He had been dragged into every shoe store they had passed and this was the seventh. So far no-one had found anything they wanted to buy, but they continuously insisted on trying the next store. Not that he really minded, the three women were having a great time and getting on like a house on fire. But he was starting to feel like he wanted to burn every show in the mall. He watched the three, coo over yet another pair of shoes. Trying them on and putting them back. "Are you three going to buy anything today?" he grumbled.

"Awe, poor baby, bored?" Buffy asked, laughing when he looked at her as if to say that she knew fine well he was bored. She decided to have some fun. Spotting a pair of cute shoes she held them up. "What do you guys think of these?" she called. Dru and Dawn rushed over to her.

"Those are so nice." Dawn told her sister.

"Yes, you have to try them Buffy" Dru insisted

"They are really nice." Buffy looked at the shoes, eyeing them critically, pretending to think as if it were a difficult decision.

"Ok, I'll try them." she finally announced.

Sitting on the small stool set out for trying the shoes she removed her own, slipping her feet into the ones she had in her hand. They fit perfectly, and she really liked them but she wasn't going to tell Spike that, but she would have fun with him. "Spike do you like these?"

Spike looked over and shrugged "They're nice."

"I'm not sure. I like them but..."

"Then get them." Spike told her.

"I don't know." she repeated.

Spike groaned, he'd had enough, he walked over took the shoe from her foot, picked up the other show and went to the counter "She'll have these." he told the sales clerk.

"Spike I was only kidding" he looked at her and shrugged again

"Don't care, you're having them now. I want to be anywhere else but a shoe store." He turned and paid the clerk, taking the bag with the shoes and without looking walked straight out of the shop, waiting for the others to follow behind him..

Another hour later Spike was on his own. He had sent the girls off with his credit card to do whatever shopping they wanted and he was off doing his own thing, because quite frankly, shopping with three girls was tiring. So they had gone for lunch he had told tem to go and have fun and he had headed off for some peace and quiet.

Buffy walked through the store looking at all the clothes on the racks. She spied a pair of jeans and a top next to it that she loved. She ran over and looked at them. It was black peasant top, and the jeans were tight and quite low, but not too low cut.

"Guys, I'm gonna try this on." She wave the outfit at them as she left in the direction of the changing room. She changed outfits and then eyed herself sceptically in the mirror, she opened the door of the changing room and saw Dru and her sister waiting.

"Wow, Buff, you look great." Dawn enthused.

"I dunno." Buffy said, looking down at herself, eyeing the outfit critically "I don't think I can get away with wearing an outfit like this anymore."

"Don't be stupid Buffy, you're gorgeous. You look good." Dawn insisted. Buffy was still unsure.

"She's right Buffy, you do look really nice." Dru agreed.

"I like it, I just think I'm too thin for this outfit now" Buffy's voice held sadness, but also sounded a bit bitter and angry

"Buffy, you are putting on the weight you lost. You're already doing good, you've been doing good for about a month. Another month and you might have put on enough to go home. They're letting you out when you've put on half of what you need to gain. You're getting close. This outfit looks good now, but think how great it will look then." Dawn could tell by the small smile that was starting to curl on her sister's lips that she was persuading her.

"Ok, I'll get it." she decided. Dawn and Dru smiled at one another while Buffy went to change, when she emerged again the other two took one of her hands each.

"Now you need accessories." Dru said excitedly as the pulled her along.

Buffy and the others were laughing as they finally left the store. Their arms filled with bags. As well as the outfit she tried she had another two tops, a long skirt, a shorter skirt, some new underwear and accessories, including a bag. Dru, had also bought some clothes, as they got to wear their own in the hospital she wanted to look good and Dawn had bought an outfit too. They were laughing about the look on Spike's face when he would eventually see what they had bought. But he had said the day was on him. Buffy was brought to an abrupt stop when she slammed right in to someone and her eyes filled with horror when she looked up.

"Buffy." Xander said, an evil smile on his lips "How very nice to see you. How you been? I guess the boy dumped you?"

Buffy shivered, his voice made her blood run colds, because his voice was just as cold.

"Get away from me." she ordered.

He ran a finger down her cheek "Come on Buff, don't be that way. We still be friends."

she felt sick to her stomach. She could see from the corner of her eye that Dawn wasn't there only Drusilla and she guessed that she had gone looking for Spike. She was praying that Xander would just leave her alone but that didn't seem likely.

"Let's go have fun," he leered at her "captain peroxide obviously didn't want a little slut, but what can I say, I'm horny. So let's go."

Buffy gasped in relief as he was suddenly pulled away from her and saw Spike holding him by the collar.

"Don't think so mate. I believe I warned you to stay away from my girl." he said threateningly He saw the mall security watching so he didn't hit him but he did issue a warning "Stay away, come near her again and I'll hurt you." he pushed him away from him

Xander smirked and came closer to Buffy stroking her cheek "I'll be back, I'll always be back." with that he walked away. Buffy flew to Spike, wrapping her arms tightly around him beginning to sob. He just held her close, whispering words of love.

"Don't worry baby, I'll protect you." he promised. And he would.


	13. Chapter 13: Aftermath

Chapter 13: Aftermath 

Spike held on tightly to Buffy as they, along with Dawn and Drusilla entered his apartment. Buffy hadn't spoken since she had saw Xander. It was like she was in another world, virtually comatose. And it scared her. Because he had seen how much better she was getting and he was so afraid that it would all go away now. He loved her so much, the thought of her as ill as she had been terrified him.. He would stick by her no matter what, but he would give anything for her not to be hurting and afraid. Seeing her in such a state broke his heart. He moved her inside and sat her on the couch. No one said anything, they just watched her, watched her sit there in a trance. And they all wanted to cry.

An hour passed, still there was no change. Spike had moved her to lie in his bed. Now he Dawn, and Drusilla sat in the living room. Spike and Dawn discussing the situation while Drusilla listened in.

"I've never seen her like this before. I know mom shut me out on a lot before, but I don't think she was ever like this" Dawn said sadly

"I could kill him, I really could. Seeing her like this, and knowing it's because of him makes me just want to rip his head off" Spike said angrily. He stood up and began to stomp angrily around the room shouting

"I want to make him suffer, I want him to hurt the way he hurt her. I want him to know that he has me to answer to . I want him to pay" he was shut up by a hand on his arm, he turned to look at Dawn, she gave a sad smile and said softly

"I know. I hate him to, for what he did to her, but none of that is the answer"

"But I just, I don't know what to do."

"I'm just going to check on Buffy" Drusilla said leaving the room.

"I'm scared" Spike whispered. Dawn wrapped him into a hug, offering only comfort for a man whose love for her sister shone so brightly. He hugged her back equally as tight, needing something to cling to. However, the peace was broken by Drusilla's scream

"Spike, Spike you have to come here" Spike let go and ran towards his room. When he got there he saw Buffy blood streaming from her fist. His mirror shattered to pieces. She held a piece of the glass at her wrists, tears running from her eyes

"Buffy, baby, what are you doing?" Spike asked gently, overcome with terror at the sight and the thought that Buffy would do something to hurt herself.

"I want it to end. Hurts too much. Want it to be gone. Want him to be gone" she said though clenched teeth. Spike inched closer

"Buffy sweetheart, please don't do this" he heard a squeak from the door and knew Dawn was there. But he didn't look back. He just kept walking closer to Buffy.

"Over, want it to be over" Buffy repeated, more to herself than anyone else in the room.

"Buffy don't" Dawn yelled from the doorway. Buffy barely spared her a glance.

"I have to" she said softly. But Spike was by her side now. He took hold of her arm

"Spike, let me go, please, let me do this" he moved his hand to her wrist and squeezed, hard, forcing her to let go of the glass. He turned and took hold of her by both arms

"I won't Buffy, I'm never going to let you go. I want to protect you. You have been doing so well. Buffy, if you do this they'll keep you in that hospital. Is that what you want? You can be out of there in a month or so. You can be here with me, where I can look after you, and love you. Don't you want that? Don't you love me?" his voice was filled with desperation, and tears were falling from his own eyes now.

"Yes" Buffy choked out "I love you, you know that. But I want it to end. I don't want to be afraid anymore. I want, I want..." she trailed off as she crumpled to the floor still holding Spike and tears cascading down both their cheeks.

Dawn and Drusilla looked at each other, and quietly left the room.

Somehow they ended up in bed and fell asleep. Spike awoke an hour later, Buffy's arms wrapped around him. He pulled her close and kissed her softly before allowing himself to drift off again. The next time he was woken it was by a sweet kiss from Buffy. He turned to face her, sad smile in place.

"Hey you, felling better?" he asked

She nodded slightly "Yeah, I'm sorry I scared you"

He pulled her closer "You did scare me. But I'm just glad you didn't do anything. I'm just so glad that you're ok" he leaned up to kiss her. It was only meant to be a short kiss, a kiss of comfort and love. But it soon became more. It developed into a kiss of pure need. Buffy sat back on her heels and pulled of the t-shirt she had slept in. She then disposed of her panties before leaning into kiss him again. Reaching down to unbutton his pants.

"Buffy," he breathed "maybe we shouldn't"

"No, Spike I want this, I need this" she pulled his jeans off completely so that they were both now naked. He nodded and laced a hand between her legs, finding her already sopping with her need for him. He flipped them over and began to move his way down her body but she pulled him back

"Just need you inside" she gasped. So he moved up her body again, and kissed her deeply as he entered her slowly.

The rocked together gently. Letting all their love be poured into this act. Their pace never changed. The moved slowly, with soft moans emitting from each of them from time to time. Their other times had been loud and crazy, but yet this time, this occasion was more passionate than any other. And when they came, they came together. Soft sighs of the others name one their lips.

They emerged from the room several hours later, finding a note written by Dawn

"_Hey, thought you guys would need some time alone. So I dropped Drusilla off at the hospital. Spike I took your car. I'll bring it back in the morning to take me to the airport. Hope you guys are ok. Love you Buffy. _

_Dawn"_

Buffy smiled, seemingly back to her old self

"So what do you wanna do now?" she asked coyly

"I was thinking, we would just spend time together, watch television"

"Sounds good, but we could do other stuff too right?" she looked at him hopefully and a wide smile spread on his face

"Oh yeah" he took her hand and pulled her into a kiss. Before leading her back to the bedroom.


End file.
